Author: Allie P.

We all need attitude adjustments sometimes

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it
Alan Cohen To make the world a better place, s...
Alan Cohen To make the world a better place, see the world as a better place (Photo credit: symphony of love)

In one month I am going to be the proud parent of a kindergartener. I’ve already verified that I have more than one package of tissues ready in the house. I’m as ready as I can be. He, on the other hand is more than ready. He can read more than a few sight words, knows his numbers and letters, and can perform some basic addition and subtraction. His day care teaches all these Pre-K basics as part of its curriculum, including the dreaded weekly homework assignments.

The Joys Of Homework
The Joys Of Homework (Photo credit: Cayusa)

These assignments are a struggle for everyone involved. My son would rather be doing anything other than writing his words for the week three times in a row. I would rather he was able to enjoy his time at home too. He writes a few of the letters backwards and gets frustrated. He gets distracted and starts doodling on the page. He winds up dragging out the assignment three times as long as it needs to be, especially if I am not hovering over him ensuring he stays focused.

I admit that I equally share his dread of homework too. I only get to see him awake for a couple of hours each night during the week. It bothers me to see him stressed during that time. But on a selfish note, it also annoys me that I am prevented from relaxing while I am forced to play warden.

However I don’t share my opinion of his homework with my son. Too much is at stake.

With Maya Angelou’s passing a number of news and media outlets have run pieces featuring some of her most inspiring quotes. One of my favorites is this, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.”

Cover of "Change Your Attitude"
Cover of Change Your Attitude

Homework isn’t going anywhere any time soon, and my son’s homework is only going to get more labor intensive as he gets older. Therefore since changing the practice of homework isn’t an option, if I am going to follow Maya Angelou’s advice, I am going to have to attempt to change my attitude about his homework.

My son still looks to me to provide guidance. If I let on that his homework is a pain, he is only going to reflect and magnify that opinion, making the weekly struggle to get it done that much more painful. It is already difficult enough to keep him focused on the assignment. If he drags it out any more it will take us two nights to complete rather than the one. Even worse, his attitude could then influence my younger son’s view of the task too, and my youngest is at least five hundred times more stubborn than his brother.

I am going to have to focus on how it is teaching him responsibility and how procrastination can be a really bad thing. Rather than dreading pulling out the sheets, I am going to look forward to that moment when I tell him it is all done correctly and he beams with pride. I am going to keep my mind on the prize, the sight of my son dressed in cap and gown crossing the stage.

If I do this right, with any luck he’ll mouth the words ‘thank you mom,’ as he accepts his diploma. That event combined with that little phrase will make all the stress and lost evenings worth it.

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Execution is equal parts dream, deadline, and determination

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it
“A goal is a dream with a deadline.” — Napoleo...
“A goal is a dream with a deadline.” — Napoleon Hill (Photo credit: QuotesEverlasting)

Nine months ago, I was finalizing my debut novel, An Uncertain Faith. It was a story that I had toyed with in my mind for several years. I was fortunate enough to have a sabbatical from the day job during which time I wrote until my fingers hurt.  My youngest hadn’t started walking yet and was content to sit in a corner of the room playing with his toys.

I had dreamed of being an author and now I had a book to my name, but I wanted more. I didn’t want to be considered a one and done writer. I self published. I didn’t vanity publish. I was going to have to follow-up my first book with a second.

My next book idea hit me in a few months later. I eagerly fired up my computer and began plotting the outline and character notes. I had to record the dream while it was still fresh in my mind.

The problem is outlines don’t exactly fly off bookshelves. You have to actually add content. I knew how many words had gone into An Uncertain Faith. I was going to meet or exceed that quantity before I could say the work was complete. Unfortunately, if finding time to continue writing outside of the demands of the day job wasn’t difficult enough, I was also going to have to fit in time to promote the first book. Additionally I now had to keep up with two very mobile, and very active young boys.

I expect that no one would have faulted me if book two never made it past the outline stage, or if I continued to work on it as the mood hit until I was gray and the kids were out of school. My dream of being a multi-credited novelist would remain that. An unrealized dream.

I had to transform my dream into a goal.

I set myself a deadline. Combined with my word count total, I was able to determine how many words I needed to write per writing day. I will admit that the juices flowed better some days than others, but I kept writing anyway until I hit my daily quota, otherwise I feared writer’s block might set in.

My deadline for the first draft is June 1st, and I am pleased to say that while it is definitely still a rough draft and lacks a sticking title, my manuscript has a beginning, middle, and end.

Now I am ready for my next challenges. I need to polish this draft up, re-writing whole sections. Then I need find another batch of readers willing to see past the grammatical errors and run on sentences, but just as willing to tell me exactly where the story needs more work. I will have to remember that just because I spent the last six months living with these characters, others might not see them quite the way I do. This last step is never easy, but typing the first chapter wasn’t either.

It’s time to reset the clock.

Determination
Determination (Photo credit: Dana Lookadoo – Yo! Yo! SEO)

 

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If you are irreplaceable why try to replace someone else?

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it

My parents divorced early in my childhood and my mom was lucky enough to meet and marry my stepdad a few years later. One afternoon, shortly afterwards, my mom pulled me aside. She wanted me to know that my stepdad was not trying to replace my father, but that we were all going to have to make some adjustments.

Bored...
Bored… (Photo credit: Thomas Leuthard)

Now I do not recall intentionally acting out, or purposefully saying hurtful things to my new stepdad before this talk, but I assume since she went to all the trouble of speaking to me individually rather than at the same time as my sisters, I must have done something. I do remember thinking that my mom’s decision to marry this person felt rather sudden to me. Only as I matured did I realize that she wouldn’t have introduced us to him until their relationship was rather serious, which would imply that their courtship was longer than it seemed to a young child.

Jumping forward, I have been promoted of sorts at my day job, and part of my new assignment is to take over the management of an established team. Unlike my prior promotion, I didn’t ask for this one, and this promotion came at the expense of a colleague. A colleague who is well liked throughout the organization, but one whose talents, our superiors thought, would better serve the company in a role that didn’t allow for the day-to-day management of people.

The news broke that I would be stepping in to fill this newly vacated role and I had the opportunity to sit front and center as his staff reacted. And react they did.

For over half of the team, I was an unknown. They had seen me in the halls, but we had not had much interaction beyond a brief hello. Additionally they had liked their existing team. They had known their place in the organization. Now the earth was shifting out from under their feet. It didn’t matter that I had known this was in the works for the past few days. It didn’t matter that I have years of experience with my company or an established track record with my own direct reports. To them, it was a shocking decision and I represented a threat to their security.

unwelcome
unwelcome (Photo credit: nevermindtheend)

Therefore I wasn’t entirely surprised when I didn’t exactly receive a glowing welcome. One of my new reports very vocally stated that my predecessor was the best manager he had ever had in his nearly 50 years of professional experience while looking directly at me. While I don’t normally like to elaborate on my age, lets just say that he has more working experience than I have experience living. I could have easily taken the statement personally – a hostile, judgmental attack against ability based on my age.

The next few days aren’t going to be easy.

I had to take a quiet breath and eliminate my emotional response. I had to remember that this meeting wasn’t about me. My predecessor was also in the room and my new direct report was trying to issue one final compliment to his former boss. He wasn’t trying to disrespect me, he was trying to show his respect for my colleague. It also gave me a great opening for a follow-up conversation.

I usually have a healthy ego. As such, I believe I have a unique mix of qualities. Sure, my employer might be able to move on without me, but I like to think that they would not be able to find my clone out there with my exact mix of skills, experience, and personality. If I am irreplaceable, why in the world would I think that I could replace someone else exactly and trying would not benefit anyone. I was chosen for this new assignment for a reason.

Just like my mom had done  with me so many years ago, I realized I was going to have to pull him aside for a heart to heart after our initial meeting. I asked him, what made his predecessor such a great manager? I was up front with him. I told him that I would not pretend that I was going to try to do things the same way, but I would do what I could to accommodate his needs as long as I knew what those needs were. We wound up having a pretty decent chat.

I hope that as a result he’ll learn to recognize that I am not trying to replace the boss he has placed on a pedestal.  We are both now in the situation of making the best of what we’ve been given. After my talk with my mom about my new stepdad, I consciously tried to make more of an effort. I hope it was noticed. There was never a follow-up discussion which makes me think it was.  I am keeping my fingers crossed that this situation might also work out over time as well.

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What do cloudy days and rejection have in common other than being dreary?

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it
File photo of the chikccraft books
File photo of the childcraft books (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Shortly after my son was born my parents decided to use the excuse of our new addition to rid themselves of some of the clutter around their house. We came back from one visit with a crate full of children’s encyclopedias which sat in my son’s closet for the next several years. I found myself just as unable to throw them out as my parents even though they were definitely out of date.  They had been my encyclopedias after all, from a time before the internet. It just goes against my nature to throw out books.

Then my nephew turned four. He had a dinosaur themed birthday party and all guests including my son were given dinosaur hunter themed goodie bags. My son came home eager to learn more about them. As a child I had wanted to be a paleontologist when I grew up, so I latched on to his enthusiasm. He asked if we had any books on dinosaurs. I remembered the crate and a short time later we were dusting off its contents.

English: Clouds over Carnoustie Bay A towering...
English: Clouds over Carnoustie Bay A towering cloud formation over Carnoustie Bay. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As we were going through the collection, we discovered a book wedged between the encyclopedias titled, How to make a cloud. My son was intrigued. He asked us to read it to him. The book turned out to be all about weather and types of clouds. I thought my son would be bored after the first chapter, but he insisted we finish the book.

I have to admit I learned something, or at least I re-learned something I’d forgotten. For example, I learned that clouds don’t just form because rising vapor cools in the atmosphere. That vapor must first come in contact with dust, dirt, or other imperfections in the air.

I recently received a rejection letter. My work was either deemed not a good fit for their present direction, or they believed they had access to a better option. I don’t have huge amounts of spare time to engage in idle inquires. I wouldn’t have sent my inquiry if I didn’t think I offered what they were looking for. But for whatever reason they had seen a flaw and moved on, and my self-esteem took a hit.

If there were no imperfections churning and blowing throughout our atmosphere there would be nothing to catch the rising steam. Nothing to condense it and transform it back into the liquid water so necessary for life to continue. Nothing could grow and nothing could survive.

Rejection hurts. There is no disputing that. But it also serves as a vital component in our growth. I may take a day or two to lick my wounds and soothe my pride, but I can’t dwell on the rejection itself. I also live with my little lord tyrant, my two-year old. Every other word out of his mouth is no. No is an incredibly easy word to say. I hear it everyday. It is his answer to everything whether or not he understands the question. But that doesn’t stop either my husband or I from continuing to try to find a way to sneak vegetables into his meals.

I have to remember that while there is always room for improvement, the reason for my rejection could have nothing at all to do with me. I have to tilt my head back and drink in the rain. I have to focus on how this stumbling block can aid in my personal and professional transformation. I have to keep trying.

I have to remember that I even if I hear a million nos, all it will take is a single yes by the right person.

Growth
Growth (Photo credit: AdamSelwood)

 

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Lessons from mom

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it

I’ve blogged a few times about the life lessons my children have taught me, but in celebration of Mother’s Day I thought I would join the masses and write about some of the things my mom has taught me over the years.

1) We all have it in us to be innovators – especially when small, exhausted children are involved.

Unusual Nap Location
Who needs a pack n’ play? My parents, apparently. Don’t worry, Mom assures me that the car was not moving when this photograph was taken.

If you were to stroll down the feeding aisle at the local Wal-Mart, Target, or other large discount retail store, you would be amazed at the sheer variety of products offered, all designed to somehow get liquid into a toddler’s belly without getting a drop on the floor. I’ve seen cups with weighted straws, cups designed to feel like a baby’s bottle, and cups that look like a more traditional plastic cup but have a rubber seal and channel grooves built-in.

I’ve bought nearly a dozen different variations, and yet my youngest refuses all but two.

 

2) Even the most intrepid explorers make use of local guides

Exploring the tall grass
Exploring through the tall grass with my mom.

As a child I once became separated from my family while visiting a retired battleship.  As a former testament to military organization and efficiency you might not think there were very many nooks and crannies available to those on a tour, but I must have found them all. Luckily for me three elder ladies saw the panicked look on my face and helped me navigate the ship until I could find the rest of my group. To this day I consider myself directionally impaired.

I will boldly go into the unknown provided I have done some homework. I have to bring a GPS unit, a printed map, and my phone with me whenever venturing some place new.

 

3) Whether you grow until your fit the suit, or find a way to make the suit fit you, anyone can reach the stars

Space Museum ExhibitOne of my favorite jokes goes like this: The optimist sees the cup as being half full. The pessimist sees it as being half empty. The engineer sees the glass as being twice as big as it needs to be.

There are several females in my family and all of us were regularly exposed to science and math. I liked to break things into their components and attempt to rebuild them. I enjoyed things like space, math, and computer programming. Engineering seemed an appropriate choice for me.

I didn’t learn about things like gender preference for career selection until my school began bringing in various community speakers who gave talks about why females could be anything they wanted to be. Until that moment, I didn’t realize that others hadn’t already learned that message.

4) Embrace the changes in your life…

I’ve written before about the mysterious person in my office who posts motivational quotes on the wall. This month the quote is by John Wooden “Things work out best for those who make the best of the way things work out.”

My parents were convinced I was going to be a boy only to learn the day I was born that another girl would be coming home. Neither loved me any less. Years later I dreamed of having my own girls, but instead brought home two beautiful boys. I don’t think either my mom nor I would have had it any other way.

Birthday

5) …But never forget the constants

My mom will likely be the first one to read this. I had a very difficult time coming up with an anecdote honoring my mom. She has been involved in so many areas of my life that it was hard to feature just one story that I felt would adequately paint a picture of her to the world. I am extremely lucky to have her. Happy Mother’s Day.

Mom and I