Author: Allie P.

Caution – Don’t feed the bears or the doubters!

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it
English: Do not feed the bears An unusual warn...
English: Do not feed the bears An unusual warning for Southern Scotland. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A woman I had worked with for more than ten years recently left my company after being offered a position with a great deal more responsibility and fancy new title. She was excited to advance her career but was incredibly nervous. The company she was going to had picked her for the position after only a few brief meetings and some words on her resume. What would happen if she got there and they all found out that she was not able to do the job as advertised?

The days from the time she turned in her notice and her last day passed quickly. Those of us who she was leaving behind had to be trained on her tasks so that at a minimum we could cover the work until a longer term replacement could be found. She grew even more apprehensive. We were planning for life without her. If she failed now, she couldn’t count on a spot remaining open for her.

I was working remotely on her last day and so was not able to send her off in person. I wouldn’t have even gotten my initial interview with the company had she not been the one to pass my resume along to the hiring manager so a brief note along the lines of “and thank you for all the fish” didn’t seem adequate. (Yes that is a reference to the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy).

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy cover art
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy cover art (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

While looking for inspiration I came across a quote by Marianne Williamson:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

While this quote might have been originally directed at women, it is an observation that should not be considered to be gender specific.

I have come across of number of blogs and listened to presentations in which the author or presenter felt compelled to describe, in length, all the reasons they shouldn’t be considered anyone’s role model.  I have to wonder why they are so afraid that another person might try to emulate them? They have families, friends, or colleagues who care for them and are at least moderately successful in their profession. They wouldn’t have an audience if others didn’t find that they had at least something worthwhile to say. Why shouldn’t someone look to them as a possible mentor?

I know from personal experience that hiring new staff is no easy task. The last thing anyone wants is to have to start the process over due to a poor hire. My former colleague would never have been offered the position if the company hiring her didn’t believe that she was capable of doing the work. To be successful in her new position she was going to have to silence her doubts and embrace the unknown.

In earlier posts, I wrote about how grateful I am that I have a strong support network. However as much as they have helped me, ultimately they have their own goals and pet projects. The person who is chiefly responsible for ensuring my success is me.  It is healthy to possess a moderate ego. If I don’t believe in myself, why should anyone else?

Let the bears of the market find easier meat elsewhere. I am feeling bullish.

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Spring is arriving and for every thing there is a season

by Allie P., posted in Indie book promotion, Life as I know it
Just like the seasons, people have the ability...
Just like the seasons, people have the ability to change (Photo credit: symphony of love)

Earlier this week I was invited to participate in one of my area’s working mom’s luncheons coordinated through the city’s Chamber of Commerce. I love these functions because everyone there is not only trying to expand their network for business purposes, but are genuinely interested in swapping tips for how best to achieve work life balance.

After a bit of pure socialization the more formal portion of the program began and the guest speaker took the stage. She was cheerful and energetic during her introduction and I was eager to hear what secrets this person who so obviously had her life together was going to share with the group.

Then she started telling us her life story, and the smile slipped. I realized very quickly how very wrong I had been to judge her particular book from its cover. She talked about dealing with the death of a parent in her early teens, and how she struggled to put herself through college and achieve her dream job. Just as you thought she was going to wrap up her presentation with the old “and they all lived happily ever after,” she told us about her experience with every parent’s worst nightmare, the loss of a child.

You could have heard a pin drop in the room. I felt my eyes tear up as she went on to talk about how she was only able to get out of bed due to her eldest child and the guilt she felt in having another baby later. Amazingly, somehow she had been able to maintain the ability to feel gratitude even after her ordeal; gratitude for her family, her friends, and her extended support network. She told us about how while her family would never be whole,  they were made stronger.

She tasked us all to discuss the challenges we individually had faced and how we had been able to grow as a result. In full disclosure, no one at my table felt we could top that speech. Her experience had been too raw, too real, for us to process over the next thirty minutes and a cupcake. We instead choose to tackle safer topics such as the ideal age difference in siblings and the headaches resulting from our local kindergarten enrollment process.

Tasmanian Devil in defensive stance, at Tasman...
Tasmanian Devil in defensive stance, at Tasmanian Devil Conservation Park, Tasman Peninsula. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I went home that night and my toddler’s terrible twos were in full force. Imagine a Tasmanian Devil hopped up on speed, chased with a pack of Red Bull. You might then have some idea of his disposition. He was having one of those days. His brother wasn’t exactly helping the situation by demanding my attention each and every time I attempted to sit down and decompress. But as much as I might have been tempted at that moment to sell them to the circus, at least both of my boys were home and healthy.

Obviously dealing with the challenges of living with the pre-school set can in no way compare with the challenges of living without them. As I checked on my boys sleeping peacefully in their beds later that evening, I was reminded of how lucky I have been to have my own family and support network.

Usually I would end my post with some related reading, but as I did not participate in the group assignment when instructed, I would like to take this time to complete my homework. In addition to the gratitude I feel towards the support my family and friends have given me, I would also like to express my thanks to a few of my fellow author/bloggers celebrating their own big news this month for unknowingly inspiring, motivating, and/or helping to guide me through the publishing process.

Listed in no particular order –

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What would you do differently if you knew others were watching?

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it

The sun sets over a set of "Big Eyes"...

My husband didn’t jump into entrepreneurship overnight. No, like an illness, the bug went through an incubation period prior to maturing to the point of full outbreak. During this period, he started taking classes on how to better understand the nuances of the stock market. How to recognize the patterns in price that might indicate a trading event, how to interpret industry jargon, and how to take control of our own portfolio.

Learning
Learning (Photo credit: CollegeDegrees360)

He drug me along to a few of these classes, and to this day I am not sure exactly how he managed to do that. They always followed a long work day and the very last thing I wanted to do after a day in front of the computer screen was listen to an instructor drone on about the importance of line charts.

I must not have been the only one to feel this way. While there remained a number of students in the room, there was not quite as many midway through the course as had been there on day one. The instructor must have sensed that those of us in the room were feeling worn out and a little overwhelmed. He went off topic.

He told us about one of his prior students. She had come in and sat quietly night after night, hardly noteworthy. After the end of the class she had written him. She wrote that she was a mother in an abusive relationship. She had signed up for the class almost on a whim. Each night she watched as those around her scribbled notes and listened to her neighbors dream of a better future. She realized that she too had a chance for that future. She gained the courage to remove herself and her child from a dangerous situation.

He mentioned this particular story only to illustrate how each of us have the ability to inspire others whether or not we are aware of their interest. It was his way of motivating us to buckle down and see the course through.

My mother-in-law cross stitched a poem that at one time hung in my husband’s room and now hangs in our son’s.

A careful man I ought to be,
A little fellow follows me.
I dare not go astray,
For fear he’ll go the self-same way.

I cannot once escape his eyes,
Whatever he see me do, he tries.
Like me, he says, he’s going to be,
The little chap who follows me.

He thinks that I am good and fine,
Believes in every word of mine.
The base in me he must not see,
That little fellow who follows me.

I must remember as I go,
Thru summers’ sun and winters’ snow.
I am building for the years to be,
In the little chap who follows me.

by Rev. Claude Wisdom White, Sr

There are days when being in business for yourself (or trying to establish yourself as a writer) isn’t easy. Days filled with such negativity that I know my husband is tempted to shut his doors for good, or for me to completely walk away from the computer. At least for now, we’ve chosen to continue on.

I like to believe that as a result, our children will grow to be even more determined, less likely to accept the status quo, and more willing to chase after their own dreams. But I do sometimes wonder who else might be watching and hope that the decisions we make are worth it.

Inspiration can have a domino effect, but what is amazing is that most people don’t realize how many pieces in the chain they have touched. Sometimes even when you think you are teaching one thing, there is a far greater lesson being learned.

The woman didn’t have to share her story, but I am glad she did. I occasionally think back on that woman who was able to learn how to take control of her life when the rest of us were just trying to learn how to take control of our finances and hope that she remained strong.

Original caption: I decided to see if I could ...
Original caption: I decided to see if I could catch the motion of Dominos falling. It took me ages to get the timing right (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
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Cleaning out the closet and other personal pruning

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it

The weather seemed to be finally on the upswing again which meant it was time once again to revisit my closet to ensure that my warmer weather garments were within easy access.

As I looked through the hangers it suddenly hit me that there were still items I had owned years before I had ever met my husband. We celebrated our tenth anniversary last year and didn’t exactly rush through the dating process, so these items could almost be described as vintage!

My husband complains about our closet size. Yes – please note that my husband is the one who thinks we need more space, not me. So why was I holding on to these items which essentially are just taking up space? It is not like I can wear them anymore, they are either too small, too revealing for work or too… err… young (that last one was hard to admit).

Club Belo 80s Fashion show San Diego
Club Belo 80s Fashion show San Diego (Photo credit: Network23 Photography)

I supposed I’ve held on to them for so long out of sentimental purposes. When I was sixteen years old I looked outstanding in them, and I knew it. Putting those garments on was like wearing confidence. I didn’t have bills to pay. My only responsibility was to keep my grades up and occasionally take out the garbage. I wore them during some of my best outings with friends. Getting rid of them now felt the same as admitting that those times were long gone and would never come again.

But, as I hovered in indecision, I had to realize that whether I wanted to admit it or not, time had advanced. I had grown, my friends had changed, and the cloth was not only faded but actually stank a little from lack of exposure to fresh air. If I did magically drop a dress size, I would want to reward myself with a brand new wardrobe, not be forced to wear my own hand-me-downs.

Clothing Donation
Clothing Donation (Photo credit: jazzijava)

As I began to throw the clothing on the growing donation pile, I felt free in a weird way. I still had the memories of those good times, but now I had all this open space that I could fill with something new, not just a poor copy.

How often do we continue to look back at the things we used to do and try to force a repeat just because the product, process, or program one time fit us like a glove? The market changes the same as the fashion industry and our waistline. Sure the trend might come again, but what worked for you or your company’s growing years rarely will still work the same way for you or your company’s established years. Product offerings, processes, and programs should be evaluated just as routinely as clothes in the closet.

How often do we as authors cling to clichés, a scene, or phrase we positively loved writing, but text which serves no useful purpose in the final product? I know all to well how much it hurts to hit the delete key when you have a certain word count goal in mind, but it has to be done. Imagine you have time for gardening. If you want certain plants to grow and bear fruit, you have to occasionally cut away the errant shoots.

There is a saying that nature abhors a vacuum. Provided you create an opening, something new will come around to fill it. It may very well be as good a fit if not better for the person you are today, the business you are trying to grow, or the story you are trying to write, than what you had.

PROGRESS. YOUR SUGGESTION HELPS SPEED THE PROG...

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Nothing is impossible for those who reject the word can’t

by Allie P., posted in Personal Favorites
Master Cheng Yen There is nothing we cannot ac...
Master Cheng Yen There is nothing we cannot achieve if we are willing to think, cultivate and take mindful action (Photo credit: symphony of love)

After weeks of snow and/or rain, a recent weekend’s blue skies and warm weather sent my family outside to jump start a bit of spring cleaning and yard maintenance. While the husband was busy reorganizing the garage, our eldest son decided that our house needed other improvements – specifically a large watch tower in the backyard.

He took a sheet of paper and drew out his plans including the placement of various construction equipment he felt would be needed to complete the build. As an aside, you know you are a mother of boys when you know the difference between a front loader and an excavator even though you’ve never set foot on a construction site.

He had been so proud of his creation that we did not want to crush his dreams right away, but as the sun began to set, our son became more and more anxious that his father hadn’t yet driven him over to “the construction store” to pick up the roller, cement mixer, and crane. My husband and I were at a loss as to how to handle the situation as we try hard not to resort to using “because I said so” unless absolutely necessary.

As a result, we tried to explain to him the many reasons why his plans weren’t going to become a reality any time soon. The construction store (whatever that was) was closed. Dad didn’t have proper licensing to drive the equipment. The large vehicles wouldn’t fit through the gate into the backyard. We would need to first apply to the city for proper building permits.

For each and ever reason we threw out, our son had a counter argument. We could go to the store the following day, dad could hire workers, and the watch tower could be built in the front yard.

The point of this story is this: it is nearly impossible to argue with someone about why something is not going to happen, or why something is never going to be available when that person has no concept of the word “can’t.”

In my office, there is a mystery person who randomly places motivational quotes up on the bulletin board. The most recent quote reads, “people who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” – George Bernard Shaw

We are all born with a sense that there is nothing in this world that is impossible. We watch magicians perform their illusions with awe and wonder. It is only we “mature” that we stop watching the show for entertainment and instead spend the time at the show trying to figure out how to disprove the trick. Just imagine the feats we as a society might accomplish if we stopped accepting the “because I told you so.”

Instead, when faced with naysayers, what if we always remembered to look for alternatives, whether it be for business goals or personal interests. What if we changed the question from “why can’t I do this” to “what do I need to do this?”

It always seems impossible until it's done.
It always seems impossible until it’s done. (Photo credit: symphony of love)
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