Tag: motivation

How To Make An Impact Without Burning Yourself Out

by Allie P., posted in General Tips and Tricks, Life as I know it, Life Hacks

We’re in peak busy mode status here in Pottslandia, what with the eldest trying to get his college applications in order while the hubby and I try to make sense of new acronyms like FAFSA and our youngest starts work on building his own extracurricular activity resume. However, when I learned I was one of 25 women being recognized across multiple industries for measurable influence in their fields and their commitment to lifting other women, I knew I needed to find the time to attend.

The day of the event came and the room filled up with accomplished ladies. I was already familiar with Dr. Amna Shabbir, founder of Success Curated. She’s given a TEDx Talk, which I’d much enjoyed, and has a podcast I’m excited to be a part this month. But there were a lot of new-to-me-faces as well.

For example, I met Dr. Mary Hemphill, who, in addition to a charming laugh and keen fashion sense, has managed to publish books on leadership while maintaining her coaching and speaking schedule. I also met Venus Liles, who somehow found the time to start up a dance party business targeting women who just want to dance and go to bed at a reasonable time, while also founding a law firm for startups.

I met so many others with equally impressive stories. The impact they were making was plain to see. They were movers and shakers. Entrepreneurs and professional motivators. Which led me to wonder: What had I done to merit being among a crowd like this?

Still not entirely sure, I dutifully shared the post-event write-up. I was then touched by the flurry of celebratory notes that followed. I had to remind myself that while a person may not always see the impact they make (they’re too close to the source), it is nevertheless still there. Not only that, it is often the smallest impacts that make the largest difference over time. So how does one make a positive difference in their community without burning themselves out?

Serve as a Connector

Back when I was working in more of a sales role, I learned that accepting that you might not have the best solution for everyone is not only a great way to ensure you are focusing your energy on the prospects most likely to convert into customers. This strategy also helps to build trust with the prospects you turn away. Perhaps you weren’t the right fit now, but maybe as they or their needs change in the future, you might be later.

I’ve applied the same mindset to my day-to-day. I know my limitations, be they time, skill, or experience. If I know in my heart of hearts that I’m not the right person to assist in a situation, I don’t offer more than I can comfortably do. I delegate, allowing others to shine. If I know a person who might be a better fit, I’ll offer an introduction or at least steer them in the right direction by sharing what I know, be it a blog post, a website, a news story, or a video.

Fortunately, I’ve had the opportunity to work with great people across multiple industries. A simple share or intro email takes me next to no time, and yet, when the right people match up, magic still happens for all involved—including me. I’ve had a front-row seat to new SaaS platforms and Masterclasses, which then have gone on to help countless others without me doing more than send a note along the lines of “you should check this out.”

Be Generous With Your Experience Within Reason

In the movie, The Dark Knight, the Joker says “If you are good at something, never do it for free.” This is actually solid advice if you are trying to monetize your passion. I would never advise a writer to provide copy or a designer to produce art with the only compensation being “exposure.” People have to eat. That said, I’m happy to share lessons I’ve learned the hard way. I’m not doing the work for them. I’m just pointing out where the dangers are so they can take a more informed action.

I do this because I don’t believe that we all need to learn through the same baseline of trial and error. That’s not how progress works. We wouldn’t have GPS to plan our routes today if someone hadn’t gotten so frustrated by people getting lost all the time that they invented the magnetic compass.

I am proud of the books I’ve written, but I also take deep satisfaction whenever I’ve seen an author I’ve chatted with, or beta read, earn awards or land a book deal. I love seeing my name on a book cover, but seeing my name on the acknowledgements page is certainly pretty cool too.

Plant Seeds And Foster Growth

When I was first promoted to manager, I was given the advice to immediately look for my replacement. At the time, this seemed an odd strategy. Wouldn’t this potentially put me in danger of being deemed redundant? What if my employer liked the other person more? What if they were, simply, better? Having just gained the role, the last thing I wanted to do was to give someone reason to fire me.

I gave it a try anyway. I looked for candidates who had the potential to challenge me when hiring and trained those already on my team who’ve expressed interest in how to do what I do, even if it means they might outgrow and leave us. I figured a little competition would keep me from becoming complacent in my role. Even better, if they could someday take on some of my responsibilities, I’d be freed up to take on new things too. I wasn’t setting myself up to be fired. By advocating and encouraging others, I was setting myself up for my own next big thing.

And it worked. It actually worked better than I’d anticipated. I’ve risen in the ranks more than once across multiple industries. And yes, I am proud of how high I’ve climbed on the corporate ladder, but I’m equally proud whenever I revisit my network and see how many of the people I’ve worked with have gone and done the same. Best of all, this didn’t require me to do anything other than my job—in fact, in many ways it made my job easier.

Enjoy The Ripples

Writing out all these tips has made me incredibly uncomfortable. I’m much more at home sharing what I’ve done wrong over the years, versus what I’ve done right. But every now and then it is good to look back, if only to remind myself that it is okay to celebrate my own wins as much as I enjoy celebrating the wins of others. I may, at times, feel like the things I have done were drops in a bucket—I was just treating others the way I want to be treated, but even a drop in a bucket has the potential to produce ripples that impact more lives than one and that can make all the difference.

If nothing else, those ripples might just help you make a few friends along the way.

Allie Potts and Dr. Amna Shabbir of Success Curated at the 2026 Triangle Women of Impact Luncheon

The Kids May Just Be Okay

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it
Header image with a pencil and a background that says senior. Text reads as The Kids May Be Okay

The blank page is a scary thing. When I first started this blog, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say. I only knew there were words in me and that limiting myself to writing only sales slicks and technical process workflows wasn’t enough. As the saying goes, I had an itch to scratch. But like a bug bite on your back you just can’t reach, I struggled to find relief.

The general advice then was to start by writing what you know. Okay, that’s all well and good, but I doubted my stories about international conference calls gone long over what epoxy should be used in production weren’t exactly going to help me gain an audience. At least, they weren’t likely to gain an audience that would also enjoy reading my fiction.

It turned then instead to the only other thing that I could think of that I, alone, was uniquely qualified to write about—my kids. Did I just use an em dash there? Why yes, I did. Guess what, human writers use them too and have used them for yeeeeeaaaaarrrrrsss. Not just AIs. But I digress…

My earliest posts were about my eldest child’s first days of day care and primary school. I dubbed him Kiddo then and have referred to him as such on this site ever since. However, as he started to grow and gain more independence, I cut back on his stories—not because I loved him any less or was any less proud of him, but because I recognized that his stories were no longer mine to tell. They were his own. And so I pivoted to more content focused on the actual business of writing.

Some would say that pivot allowed me to provide more focused, reader-facing value. This is all well and good from a content marketing and discovery perspective (some might even say it was a critical SEO strategy for business success), but it turns out that unlike the characters in my book, my kid didn’t stop growing just because I stopped writing about him. Go figure.

Kiddo sent out his first college application.

I wasn’t prepared for the emotional hit from that simple act.

A friend of mine in the field of behavioral science introduced me to the concepts of the arrival and destination fallacies in our talks on perfectionism and happiness. She’s called me out in the past when I would make grand statements like, “I’ll start working out more once the kids are out of the house” after bemoaning my current weight. Statements like that made it seem as if I was somehow trapped by these not-so-small-anymore humans. Admittedly, I could have far worse captors, but eventually, I had to admit they weren’t holding me back. They were just my latest excuse.

The person holding me back has almost always been me.

I, in many ways, am the source of my own complaints, but I also like to think by recognizing what I am, I am also a constant source of progress.

During the peak of the pandemic, I’d become focused on doing what a “good mom should.” I grew accustomed to waiting life out and to sacrifice. Afterward, as our lives opened back up, I convinced myself I needed to compensate for all the things these offspring of mine missed out on (whether they asked for it or not). I didn’t realize what was happening at the time. It was likely just a series of small chips here and there. However, five-ish years later, it has dawned on me that somehow, some way, a large chunk of the person I once was had gone missing (but apparently not the chunk of person around my waist).

I told myself, this simply would not do. Since that conversation, I consciously made an effort to do the things I wanted to do as a person rather than as a mom. It’s been a year or so. This meant I stopped waiting for “better” timing to do the things I enjoy. I made plans with friends. I went out to dinner on a school night. And if these excursions resulted in the kids having to make their own dinners or find their own rides from A to B every now and then, so be it. They were old enough now to handle it, and if I was being honest with myself, had been for some time.

More importantly, I stopped allowing myself to feel guilty about it. They adapted without understanding and without complaint. To be honest, their lack of reaction stung a bit at first. Did they not miss me? Was what I’d done for them over the years truly ‘invisible work?’ The thoughts gave me pause, but I realized that those thoughts were just the latest offering from my internal excuse-making machine. Putting the self-doubts to the side, it was plain to see that by pulling back, I’d actually given them more. I’d given them the tools to become more capable people. I’d given them more responsibility. I’d demonstrated my trust in them and now they were thriving.

You might think, then, after this warm fuzzy of a realization, I would be more emotionally prepared to accept this recent milestone—Kiddo’s latest step toward discovering his own independent self. Yeah, I thought I would be too. Instead, all I can think of is his face turning to us with a smile as he boarded the school bus that first time. I can still picture his little wave and feel my heart once again in my throat as the bus drove away.

It has made me realize that while I may have wandered off for a while, if given the choice, I would have done it all the same.

There is a quote attributed to Robin Sharma that goes like this, “Getting lost along your path is a part of finding the path you are meant to be on,” and another from Tricia Goyer, who stated, “I suppose sometimes it takes getting lost to enjoy the joy of being found.”

I am proud of the young men who, sooner than I might like, will be leaving the nest, but I am proud of myself too. I may not be the person I was once, but I filled that missing chunk with memories rather than regrets. Apparently, I’m still growing up. And maybe, just maybe, the kids are going to be okay.

8 Highly effective ways NOT to promote YOU

by Allie P., posted in General Tips and Tricks, Life Hacks

background image courtesy of Ricky Kharawala and Unsplash
background image courtesy of Ricky Kharawala and Unsplash

There are a number of things I am good at, however, self-promotion is not one of them. Ask any of the people who comment on my posts regularly. Heck, ask pretty much anyone. Chances are they will agree. As a firm believer in the concept that there is always something to learn, some additional skill to master, I rarely consider myself an expert in anything, but if there is one thing I deserve an honorary Ph.D. in, it is in how NOT to self-promote.

So I hope you will sit back and enjoy these tried and true tips from Dr. Potts.

  1. Treat your interests and hobbies like state secrets, better yet, treat them better

Don’t share anything that you do for fun with anyone. When people ask you to tell them a little about yourself, convince yourself that they are only looking for a way to bring the conversation back to what it is they do or what they sell. Stick to the expected script. Only tell them about surface level things such as your day job and never expand upon your hopes, goals, and dreams. Limit your networking to only watching shows on TV.

If you actually let it slip that you enjoying painting, for example, your sibling might call to ask you to help with a mural on a child’s wall. Even worse, someone not related to you might actually make you an offer to be *gulp* paid professionally for your hobby.

2. Keep your smiles to yourself

If you find yourself doing a job that makes you want to smile, bury that joy deep down. If it looks like you are actually having fun performing a task that others view as work those same others might start thinking of additional ways to make you smile. If you aren’t careful, you might just be asked to paint another mural in the not too distant future. Or worse, your connections might just introduce you, and your skills, to their other connections, and what did we just cover about networking in tip number 1.

3. Never accept compliments

That beautiful thing you just created. It was a pure fluke. If it hadn’t been that spasm in your back keeping you from adding additional brush strokes or the sun blinding you at just the right time, you would surely ruin it. It certainly had nothing to do with skill or honed practice. Those are gifts only possessed by the professionals and this was just something you do when you don’t have anything else to do and you got lucky. Make sure you emphasize the word ‘just’ repeatedly. ‘It’s just a hobby.’ ‘I’m just doing it for fun.’ ‘I just got started.’ Deflect, deflect, deflect

4. Destroy the evidence

Be like Tibetan monks and treat your interests like the Sand Mandala. Enjoy your hobbies simply for the moment and then get rid of any trace of evidence the minute the task is over. Under no circumstances should you actually save things in a way that someone might misinterpret as a portfolio or resume. Someone might misinterpret that sort of thing as credibility.

5. Convince yourself that timing needs to be right

Success is all about being in the right place and the right time. If you can just be patient enough to wait for that perfect time to call yourself a qualified expert, your name is bound to be in the headlines. The fact that those headlines may be in the obituary section is only a minor detail.

6. Never publicize your accomplishments or other interests on social media

That’s the sort of information that can be used against you. The next thing you know, you will be hit by all sorts of spam bots showing advertising for products you actually might be interested in buying, classes that might help you hone those skills, or even worse. What if some stranger actually contacted you about your not-so-secret skills with genuine interest? Didn’t your parents always tell you not to talk to strangers?

7. Don’t treat yourself as a boss or your hobby as a business

They say that the day you start doing what you love, you will never work another day in your life. Do you really want to put yourself out of work?

8. Associate your self-worth with the success of your business or product

Never remind yourself that even the most valued companies have product flops. A failure today is proof that you could fail tomorrow.

 

But… a failure today at least means you tried, and that you is worthy of promotion.

Temptation makes victory taste ever more sweet

by Allie P., posted in Book Stuff and Publishing News, Life as I know it

If I take this statue will a giant round boulder come out and try to crush me?

There they lay, within reach, and yet to do so was entirely forbidden. It would be so easy, I told myself. All I had to do was open up one of kiddo’s packaged snacks from the basket in the pantry and chew. All those delicious salty treats were mine for the taking. But I’d made a promise to myself to limit my carb intake, particularly over the next thirty days, as the scale had taken issue with my summer beach excesses.

“She’d started taking up a lot of bad habits”, I imagined its snide electronic voice justifying itself to my toothbrush and my towel as they discussed my morning routine. “You both just help her stay hygienic. I, however, am helping her make better lifestyle choices.” I am sure both towel and brush would roll their eyes if they had them, but that awful scale had a point. I had enjoyed my summer a wee bit too much and it was starting to show.

You know what the secret to weight loss is? Don’t eat much.” – Simon Cowell
(Gee thanks, Simon)

It came to a head one Tuesday evening. There, on the table, were all the fixings for tacos which had become our weekly staple since the Lego Movie first introduced the children to the concept of Taco Tuesday. A pair of tortillas waited for me to add lettuce, beef, and cheese, with a dollop of yogurt just as I had done the Tuesday before and the Tuesday before that.

“After today I am going to limit my sugar and bread for awhile,” I announced to the hubby. “At least for the next thirty days.” Lamont looked at his own plate and agreed to support me by doing the same. We both were in the mood to change up the dietary cycle. We wouldn’t cut it out altogether, we agreed, as that was next to impossible seeing as both ingredients were hidden in way too much. To avoid them altogether would involve *gasp* actually reading labels. But we would try not to intentionally consume either.

I’m not going to lie. It wasn’t easy. I’d gotten into a habit of having a bit of ice cream in the evening after tucking the boys in their beds. A reward for successfully surviving another day. Suddenly I was out my reward. The cravings started to chip away at my resolve.

“Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we’ll find it.” – Sam Levenson

Brilliantly (at least in our opinion), we decided to make our own dessert. We had plenty of plain greek yogurt in the fridge. Add a few berries and some honey and poof. Instant ice cream substitute. We even added a little cinnamon to give it a bit more pizzaz!

And other meal times took on a bit more excitement as we managed to break away from our weekly routine, replacing the stand-bys with things like zucchini pasta or eggs poached inside an avocado. This whole “sacrifice” wasn’t one.

Then my mom’s birthday came along with a visit by my sister. After a celebratory dinner, the smell of a fruit pie tempted my nose. A bit more of my resolve chipped away. But still, I remained strong, empowered by what I had accomplished before. There was nothing to this goal. Or so I thought until I entered the final days of my self-imposed thirty-day challenge.

Then the air began to change. Fall has arrived and with it will be the assault on my senses that is pumpkin spice. I do so love the smell of Fall. If you listen very carefully, you might yet hear the sound of my scale crying. If my resolve started out as a mighty oak tree, it is now only a splinter of its former self.

“What makes resisting temptation difficult for many people is they don’t want to discourage it completely.” Franklin P. Jones

A friend of mine suggested I read Stephen Pressfield’s book The War of Art in which the author theorizes that our brains are somehow wired to resist completing goals. While I haven’t yet read the book (though fully intend to) I can’t help thinking he might be on to something. I was so close to writing End of Book Two in this current draft, and yet my characters keep drawing out the action. No matter how much I wrote, there was still more to do. More to say.

It was so very tempting to simply type THE END before the story is ready and short circuit the process. And if I did? Would it really matter? This is not my final draft. I’ll be rewriting an editing next. I could grab those chips as well. One small bag on day 29 isn’t going to make a difference in the scheme of things. Who would know?

I would.

And so, while my resolve may only be a splinter, that splinter wedged itself deeply under my skin. I can’t ignore it. I can’t make a move without feeling its pain.

And so, I stood fast over these final few days. What’s a couple hundred more words compared to the many I’ve written thus far? Certainly not enough to lose heart now. I wrote and I wrote and I wrote until the words END OF BOOK TWO were no longer words in my head but words on a screen. Yes. You read that right. This draft is finished. Now on to round two.

I pull back from the pantry and fixed a salad instead. It might not taste quite as good to my sugar biased tastes, but victory continues to be more satisfying.

As a reminder, I will be on the air Friday, September 23rd at 6pm Eastern time. The link to follow is http://www.blogtalkradio.com/writestream/2016/09/23/the-speculative-fiction-cantina-with-madeleine-holly-rosing-and-allie-potts

Onward and upward – fun with mind manipulation

by Allie P., posted in General Tips and Tricks

Writing a novel is like running a marathon. You train and train, conditioning your body through smaller “fun” runs as you gradually build up some confidence and stamina. Then it is the day of the event, the thing you have been training toward for the last several weeks if not months. A crowd surrounds you. Their excitement is contagious. “See you on the other side!” and “Let’s do this!” You are anxious, but anything is possible. You take off.

Then, six miles later or so, you see that the course contains a hill (not to mention another ~twenty miles) and you start questioning why in the world you ever thought this was a novel idea (pun intended). You start contemplating veering off with the half marathoners, but that still means you have to somehow find it in you to run another ~seven miles. Ugh.

At this point, you realize you are thoroughly outta luck, so you might as well keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Image courtesy of Imgur
Image courtesy of Imgur

You adjust your pace and trick your mind into ignoring things like mile markers while instead focusing on smaller, more achievable goals. I just have to make it to that street sign or the next water station without walking. You look around and see spectator signs like “If this were easy, it would be called your mom,” or “remember you paid for this.” You’d laugh if it didn’t make you wheeze (or puke), but it is exactly the reminder you needed.

You may not get a spot on the podium, but you know that as long as you finish, even if you wind up crawling across the line, you are still getting a medal for your effort. It hurts to go forward, but you also know it just might kill you at this point to go back empty-handed.

I am at the base of that hill with my current work in process. Day job, illness, and life in general, knocked me off schedule. Even worse, as much as I want to push my characters forward, they seem equally determined to catch their breath. I am tempted to write in some zombies or talking animals from another dimension just to mix it up, except I’m pretty sure I would ultimately have to cut the scene out. I can feel my will to continue begin to be tested (oh, why didn’t I set out to write a short story, or at most, a novella?) But as starting another project (with zombies… no…, dragon zombies… from space!) or taking an indefinite hiatus (don’t even think it) are equally unacceptable options, I’ve come to the realization that it is time to start utilizing the tricks that kept me motivated two times before. It is time to pull out the signs.

In my case, that usually means mocking up a cover or two as I have an easier time visualizing my goal if I have an idea of what it might look like when I cross the finish line. Which brings me to cover design.

I am always on the lookout for ways to improve any aspect of my authorprenuerism and recently watched a special on the topic of something called the golden ratio, 1.618, or phi. Supposedly this near mystic ratio can be found among plants and shells almost as if the natural world was actually planned by mathematics. It is repeated in architecture such as the Parthenon and its proportions found in art like the Mona Lisa.

To create it, you draw a rectangle (one size is 1x, the other side is 0.618x). Then while keeping the rectangle’s proportions the same, rotate and resize the rectangle so that its longest side now fits within its shortest side (or… you can simply find a ready-made golden ratio template on the internet).

Golden Ratio
Golden Ratio (image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons)

Its use is also suggested to be a form of mind manipulation. There are those in the marketing world who believe that design based on this ratio is also more appealing to consumers that designs that do not. Intrigued, I decided to first test out how well my existing covers conformed to this ratio.

Golden-ratio-UFGolden-ratio-FFAccording to the theory, a consumer’s eyes are expected to naturally follow a line of curvature within the golden rectangle. The rectangles should then act as a guide for the placement of design elements.

I was somewhat shocked but overall pleased to see that both of my covers roughly fit within the design rules I hadn’t previously known existed. For example, if the theory is true, a would-be reader’s eye is drawn to the chasm beneath the woman in An Uncertain Faith suggesting my main character’s trying situation while on The Fair & Foul, a reader’s eyes are drawn to my name which will help achieve brand recognition.

Of course there are others who believe that the golden ratio is purely a myth or that there are other more appealing rectangle sizes, but considering how important cover design can be to the success of a book, it is definitely something I will be keeping in mind moving forward.

And move forward I will.