Category: Life as I know it

What would you do differently if you knew others were watching?

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it

The sun sets over a set of "Big Eyes"...

My husband didn’t jump into entrepreneurship overnight. No, like an illness, the bug went through an incubation period prior to maturing to the point of full outbreak. During this period, he started taking classes on how to better understand the nuances of the stock market. How to recognize the patterns in price that might indicate a trading event, how to interpret industry jargon, and how to take control of our own portfolio.

Learning
Learning (Photo credit: CollegeDegrees360)

He drug me along to a few of these classes, and to this day I am not sure exactly how he managed to do that. They always followed a long work day and the very last thing I wanted to do after a day in front of the computer screen was listen to an instructor drone on about the importance of line charts.

I must not have been the only one to feel this way. While there remained a number of students in the room, there was not quite as many midway through the course as had been there on day one. The instructor must have sensed that those of us in the room were feeling worn out and a little overwhelmed. He went off topic.

He told us about one of his prior students. She had come in and sat quietly night after night, hardly noteworthy. After the end of the class she had written him. She wrote that she was a mother in an abusive relationship. She had signed up for the class almost on a whim. Each night she watched as those around her scribbled notes and listened to her neighbors dream of a better future. She realized that she too had a chance for that future. She gained the courage to remove herself and her child from a dangerous situation.

He mentioned this particular story only to illustrate how each of us have the ability to inspire others whether or not we are aware of their interest. It was his way of motivating us to buckle down and see the course through.

My mother-in-law cross stitched a poem that at one time hung in my husband’s room and now hangs in our son’s.

A careful man I ought to be,
A little fellow follows me.
I dare not go astray,
For fear he’ll go the self-same way.

I cannot once escape his eyes,
Whatever he see me do, he tries.
Like me, he says, he’s going to be,
The little chap who follows me.

He thinks that I am good and fine,
Believes in every word of mine.
The base in me he must not see,
That little fellow who follows me.

I must remember as I go,
Thru summers’ sun and winters’ snow.
I am building for the years to be,
In the little chap who follows me.

by Rev. Claude Wisdom White, Sr

There are days when being in business for yourself (or trying to establish yourself as a writer) isn’t easy. Days filled with such negativity that I know my husband is tempted to shut his doors for good, or for me to completely walk away from the computer. At least for now, we’ve chosen to continue on.

I like to believe that as a result, our children will grow to be even more determined, less likely to accept the status quo, and more willing to chase after their own dreams. But I do sometimes wonder who else might be watching and hope that the decisions we make are worth it.

Inspiration can have a domino effect, but what is amazing is that most people don’t realize how many pieces in the chain they have touched. Sometimes even when you think you are teaching one thing, there is a far greater lesson being learned.

The woman didn’t have to share her story, but I am glad she did. I occasionally think back on that woman who was able to learn how to take control of her life when the rest of us were just trying to learn how to take control of our finances and hope that she remained strong.

Original caption: I decided to see if I could ...
Original caption: I decided to see if I could catch the motion of Dominos falling. It took me ages to get the timing right (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
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Cleaning out the closet and other personal pruning

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it

The weather seemed to be finally on the upswing again which meant it was time once again to revisit my closet to ensure that my warmer weather garments were within easy access.

As I looked through the hangers it suddenly hit me that there were still items I had owned years before I had ever met my husband. We celebrated our tenth anniversary last year and didn’t exactly rush through the dating process, so these items could almost be described as vintage!

My husband complains about our closet size. Yes – please note that my husband is the one who thinks we need more space, not me. So why was I holding on to these items which essentially are just taking up space? It is not like I can wear them anymore, they are either too small, too revealing for work or too… err… young (that last one was hard to admit).

Club Belo 80s Fashion show San Diego
Club Belo 80s Fashion show San Diego (Photo credit: Network23 Photography)

I supposed I’ve held on to them for so long out of sentimental purposes. When I was sixteen years old I looked outstanding in them, and I knew it. Putting those garments on was like wearing confidence. I didn’t have bills to pay. My only responsibility was to keep my grades up and occasionally take out the garbage. I wore them during some of my best outings with friends. Getting rid of them now felt the same as admitting that those times were long gone and would never come again.

But, as I hovered in indecision, I had to realize that whether I wanted to admit it or not, time had advanced. I had grown, my friends had changed, and the cloth was not only faded but actually stank a little from lack of exposure to fresh air. If I did magically drop a dress size, I would want to reward myself with a brand new wardrobe, not be forced to wear my own hand-me-downs.

Clothing Donation
Clothing Donation (Photo credit: jazzijava)

As I began to throw the clothing on the growing donation pile, I felt free in a weird way. I still had the memories of those good times, but now I had all this open space that I could fill with something new, not just a poor copy.

How often do we continue to look back at the things we used to do and try to force a repeat just because the product, process, or program one time fit us like a glove? The market changes the same as the fashion industry and our waistline. Sure the trend might come again, but what worked for you or your company’s growing years rarely will still work the same way for you or your company’s established years. Product offerings, processes, and programs should be evaluated just as routinely as clothes in the closet.

How often do we as authors cling to clichés, a scene, or phrase we positively loved writing, but text which serves no useful purpose in the final product? I know all to well how much it hurts to hit the delete key when you have a certain word count goal in mind, but it has to be done. Imagine you have time for gardening. If you want certain plants to grow and bear fruit, you have to occasionally cut away the errant shoots.

There is a saying that nature abhors a vacuum. Provided you create an opening, something new will come around to fill it. It may very well be as good a fit if not better for the person you are today, the business you are trying to grow, or the story you are trying to write, than what you had.

PROGRESS. YOUR SUGGESTION HELPS SPEED THE PROG...

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Nothing is impossible for those who reject the word can’t

by Allie P., posted in Personal Favorites
Master Cheng Yen There is nothing we cannot ac...
Master Cheng Yen There is nothing we cannot achieve if we are willing to think, cultivate and take mindful action (Photo credit: symphony of love)

After weeks of snow and/or rain, a recent weekend’s blue skies and warm weather sent my family outside to jump start a bit of spring cleaning and yard maintenance. While the husband was busy reorganizing the garage, our eldest son decided that our house needed other improvements – specifically a large watch tower in the backyard.

He took a sheet of paper and drew out his plans including the placement of various construction equipment he felt would be needed to complete the build. As an aside, you know you are a mother of boys when you know the difference between a front loader and an excavator even though you’ve never set foot on a construction site.

He had been so proud of his creation that we did not want to crush his dreams right away, but as the sun began to set, our son became more and more anxious that his father hadn’t yet driven him over to “the construction store” to pick up the roller, cement mixer, and crane. My husband and I were at a loss as to how to handle the situation as we try hard not to resort to using “because I said so” unless absolutely necessary.

As a result, we tried to explain to him the many reasons why his plans weren’t going to become a reality any time soon. The construction store (whatever that was) was closed. Dad didn’t have proper licensing to drive the equipment. The large vehicles wouldn’t fit through the gate into the backyard. We would need to first apply to the city for proper building permits.

For each and ever reason we threw out, our son had a counter argument. We could go to the store the following day, dad could hire workers, and the watch tower could be built in the front yard.

The point of this story is this: it is nearly impossible to argue with someone about why something is not going to happen, or why something is never going to be available when that person has no concept of the word “can’t.”

In my office, there is a mystery person who randomly places motivational quotes up on the bulletin board. The most recent quote reads, “people who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” – George Bernard Shaw

We are all born with a sense that there is nothing in this world that is impossible. We watch magicians perform their illusions with awe and wonder. It is only we “mature” that we stop watching the show for entertainment and instead spend the time at the show trying to figure out how to disprove the trick. Just imagine the feats we as a society might accomplish if we stopped accepting the “because I told you so.”

Instead, when faced with naysayers, what if we always remembered to look for alternatives, whether it be for business goals or personal interests. What if we changed the question from “why can’t I do this” to “what do I need to do this?”

It always seems impossible until it's done.
It always seems impossible until it’s done. (Photo credit: symphony of love)
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Applying the flywheel and avoiding the doom loop beyond business

by Allie P., posted in Personal Favorites

Several years ago, I picked up a copy of Jim Collins’ Good to Great, a business reference on why some companies thrive while other companies fail. In it, he made a number of great observations supporting the premises that the enemy of great is not bad, no “Good is the enemy of Great.” He speculates that because we preceive ourselves as being good at something, we can be lulled into acceptance of the status quo rather than incentivized to improve to the point of greatness. At least when we recognize we are downright awful at something we know to either quit altogether or seek additional help. With good, it is too easy to say, ehh.. it is good enough.

His book is really focused on the business world, but as I have embarked down the path of authorship and grown as a parent, I have found that many of his observations and tips for moving away from being just good enough to get by have applications beyond the office.

One of my favorite chapters in the entire book was on the topic of the flywheel and the doom loop. I’ve paraphrased a bit, but the two concepts can be summarized by the following steps:

Tunnels of Time
By fdecomite (Tunnels of Time) via Wikimedia Commons
The Flywheel

  1. Take a step forward consistent with your goal
  2. Verify Results
  3. Cultivate an audience of fans
  4. Build Momentum
  5. Repeat steps 1-4.

The Doom Loop

  1. Receive disappointing results
  2. React to results without understanding why the results were what they were
  3. Over-correct with new direction, new program leader, new event, etc
  4. Lose your audience & fans
  5. Repeat steps 1-4

The concept of the flywheel is simple, by taking small but determined steps according to a plan we grow a network of supporters which therefore makes repeatable success easier as it becomes nearly self-sustaining. A real life example is this: I am not a runner, but was talked into joining my husband on a 5K. I didn’t just show up for the race, I trained for weeks leading up to the event. At first it was just me putting one foot in front of the other. A successful day was merely getting home without walking most of the way. Then my family started to ask about how I was doing and suddenly I felt compelled to force myself to run just a few yards longer than I had the day before. On the day of the race, there were crowds of people shouting encouragement and offering water. I ran the entire way without stopping.

The doom loop is just as easy to understand. One of the bloggers I follow recently wrote of how she just received her first negative review. I can only imagine how devastating that must have been for her after working so hard. She easily could have gone on the defensive and lashed out at the reviewer. She might have caught herself questioning whether or not to continue to pursue her current project. In either case, the reaction could have cost the author her readers all together. Obviously creating a future of additional disappointing results. She did not do either of these things. She stayed clear of the doom loop and is most likely stronger for the experience. I wish her continued success.

I have found that writing in addition to working a day job and parenting is much like training for a race, except that this one is closer to a marathon than my little 5K. I have to pace myself to avoid injury and/or burnout. As long as I keep putting one foot (or in this case – one word) in front of another. Provided I keep watching my steps, I know that there will be someone just up ahead with a cup of cool water shouting encouragement. I will avoid the doom loop. I will finish this race.

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Elaboration on my dedication

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it

Our first-born found us in March of 2004. Actually, my in-laws were the ones to discover him abandoned off the side of a country road, only a few weeks old, near the body of his sister. They brought him home and showed us a picture. For my husband and I it was love at first sight.

Before you begin to wonder where social services was in all of this, I will mention that our first-born was of the canine variety. He was a little ball of dark fur missing part of his tail. He was full of energy and sharp pointy teeth that he exercised on everything! I joked that he embraced the design style made famous in the Ben Stiller movie, Zoolander, pronounced Der E leak. If you ever wanted sensitive papers shredded, he was your go to pup.

Thankfully, he eventually grew out of puppy teething and into a positively wonderful friend. Sure, he brought in mud, occasionally stank up the house, and often barked more than we’d like – to this day I maintain that the cat across the street purposely enjoyed taunting him by laying about in full view from our picture window knowing he couldn’t do anything about it. But he was loyal, protective, and caring.

He was a mixed breed, but most likely contained more than a little pit bull in his genetic make-up. Had I known that at the time we adopted him, I may not have been so quick to add him to our family. I have since learned that there is a lot of misunderstanding about the breed. Unfortunately, this misunderstanding can extend into some dog care facilities as not all places will accept pit bulls (or pit bull mixes) as clients. As a result, we took our dog everywhere with us.

He had been the center of our little family for more than 4 years when I became pregnant with our first son, and I was extremely apprehensive about how the dog would adjust to a new living thing in the house. One of my co-workers gave me a CD of baby sounds to play in advance of the new addition so that our dog could get used to the noise. He would whimper when I played it, desperate to rescue the child from the stereo, but I do believe it made the transition easier.

During this same time, my husband was traveling extensively for extended periods of time. He hadn’t yet gone into business for himself. More than a little hormonal, I might have not handled my husband’s absence as well without the comfort of our dog by my side.

Whether it was the preparation work, or just our dog’s nature, he adjusted beautifully to the new pack structure after our son was born. For a very brief period, they were even roommates. Our dog would look at our son in his crib through the window of his crate as if to say, “so… what are you in here for?”

When I was working from home or otherwise writing, our dog would lie on the couch beside our computer twitching as he chased dream cats. I learned to never schedule a conference call around the time the garbage trucks would swing by, at least not a call that I was going to have to do more than just listen into with the phone on mute. If I moved into a different room, he’d follow along. I jokingly referred to him as my assistant.

He should have been ten years old this year, but unfortunately a mast cell tumor took him from us a year and a half ago. If there was any silver lining, the time between diagnosis until point of passing was relatively quick, and neither of our sons were old enough at the time to truly comprehend what was going on. Our older son still occasionally asks about him, but our youngest son will only know him through pictures and the random story.

We often get asked if we will get another dog. I suspect we will…one day. The world is too full of unloved animals waiting for a second chance, for us to ignore indefinitely, but there will never be another Ajax for us.

An Uncertain Faith was dedicated to his memory and I still miss him every day.

While we might not be emotionally ready, if you are at all interested in adding a pet to your home, please consider a rescue animal. If you have a pet, monitor their skin just as you would your own. Skin cancers are not just limited to people and do not have to be a death sentence if caught early enough.

Ajax