Someone, please find me an iron torch and an epic hero. (Image courtesy of Wikipedia)
Getting your novel ready for its grand debut is like battling a hydra. You make one correction, only to then discover the need for three more. I had grown somewhat obsessed over the last few weeks, a condition that has only gotten worse the closer I got to my launch date (which is next week by the way). I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night worried that there might be some aspect of the reading experience I could still improve.
The boys were taking their bath. Knowing they were occupied for the moment, I decided to sneak away to process yet another last-minute update. They’ll barely notice I am gone. After Lamont caught me in the act, I felt the need to explain what I was up to, and why. He wisely refrained from rolling his eyes. We’ve probably only had this same conversation a half a dozen times over the last month (I have the slight tendency to worry something to death). I was turning to go back to the boys when I saw it – a stream of water coming from the kitchen ceiling. Yes, it was raining out, but my kitchen is on the first floor. Considering we hadn’t recently installed an indoor water feature, there could be only one source.
LT. The boy is currently obsessed with volcanos and waterfalls. He likes the look of thing cascading downward. Sand. A glass of milk. An entire roll of toilet paper. He’s not picky. I must have left a cup within his reach once again (whatever happened to those good old days before he was mobile). I flew up the stairs, stopping at the bathroom door. Sure enough, you could almost make out waves and tidal patterns in the amount of water that covered the tile floor. (I’m a tad surprised NOAA wasn’t already there). I had only been gone a couple of minutes. Five tops! It takes the boy twenty minutes to eat half of a peanut butter sandwich, but he can cause trouble with amazing efficiency.
I looked to his brother, who immediately volunteered, “It was LT” as he scurried down the hall. Kiddo is a survivor. He takes after his father.
LT, on the other hand, happily continued to splash, as unconcerned about the pulsing vein in my forehead as he was about the stream flowing downstairs. Scooping our little future delinquent volcanologist out of the water, Lamont and I sent him to bed without a story (the worst punishment this writer could think of at the time – I have since come up with several other things that I would have liked to have done), before we set out to clean up the mess. Several soaked towels later, it occurred to us that we would also have to address the moisture in the space between floors. (Finding mold would make this a horror story)
So in the words of Paul McCartney and John Lennon
“I’m fixing a hole where the rain gets in
And stops my mind from wandering
Where it will go”
My bacon apple pie: Warning – bacon has now been linked to cancer. Consider your day ruined.
As October closes, allow me to summarize. My coffee pot caught on fire, a mouse moved into my house, and there is now a gaping hole in my kitchen ceiling. Even so, I still love this time of year. The leaves are changing and autumn brews are back on the shelves along with other seasonal treats. Best of all, by writing this, I am now thinking of pie, Halloween, and Thanksgiving (but not Christmas – stay in December where you belong). I am finally not thinking about what else I could do to the book. It is time to stop worrying about the what ifs and get back to recognizing the what wills.
The water will dry, the mouse will take the bait, and I will enjoy some coffee. All the rest can wait.
This also means I owe you a post, but, unfortunately, my draft folder is woefully slim this week. Perhaps I can interest you in a sampling of some of my favorites from the vault:
You had a week to prepare. What could you possibly be doing other than crafting new amusing anecdotal stories for our reading pleasure?
Funny you should ask.
That’s right. I have been querying reviewers and am happy to report that advanced copies of The Fair & Foul received 5-star reviews from Readers’ Favorite.
So that’s great for you, but when can us regular readers get our hands on it?
Patience.
You know full well that we as a society have evolved beyond patience. We demand an update.
I would love to give you firm dates, but I am finalizing formatting.
You’ve been saying that for months now.
Formatting is nothing to take lightly. I put an excerpt up. Isn’t that enough?
Which you only announced on Facebook. What are you, some kind of cruel tease? We want dates, woman. Dates!
Enter Amazon: Hmm Allie, I really think you need to give yourself a deadline.
I’d love to, but I want to make sure it is perfect.
Have you ever heard the phrase, sometimes you have to shoot the engineer and go to market anyway?
Just what are you implying…
Failure to comply will result in probation from pre-order program for one year.
What is that?!? Did you just issue an ultimatum?
Amazon drops mic and exits without looking back.
Chirp. Chirp.
You were saying?
Right…
Available for pre-order now
The final proof is in the mail for the paperback version (I swear!) Once I have proven to myself that typos are minimized, the cover is wrapped correctly and no extra pages have been added (which could be as early as next week), I will be announcing the official launch date for my book. One thing is certain – it will be released before November 4th. It’s the final countdown!
I’ll happily accept any help offered as part of this book launch. Please let me know what you might need from me (in addition to the firm official launch date). Tell your friends. Reblog all you want. If you do, please also feel free to shamelessly plug your own links to your sites, services, books, or artisanally crafted hand goods in the comments below.
I am about to suffer monstrous indigestion, and no, it won’t be caused by excessive food or drink…Okay so maybe some of it will, but the majority of my discomfort will be caused by nervous butterflies resulting the re-release of my book An Uncertain Faith. The e-book version will be going live on Friday, November 28th on Amazon and Smashwords (pre-order is available), with the print edition making its way onto the shelves shortly afterwards.
As way of saying thank you for your support over this last year, from now until December 24th, you can download a free copy at Smashwords using the coupon code PK82H.
Several of my business books talk about the importance of identifying the one thing that you want to be great at and then design your business practices and product offers around that niche. My dentist office has not read any of these books.
The practice I go to has a massaging chair in the waiting area as well as marble tile floors, soothing music, and a fireplace cheerfully burning. If it wasn’t for the sounds of drilling and spitting in the background, the spa-like conditions might make you might forget that you are about to be shamed for not flossing enough.
I was back for the second time in as many weeks as my dentist had found cavities during my last cleaning. Joy. The cavities weren’t very deep, but needed to be addressed. She told me I wouldn’t even need to have my teeth numbed as if the idea of having a drill in my mouth without a painkiller was somehow less scary than a shot to the gums. One side was done, but rather than finishing the job, my dentist was called away to look after another even less fortunate patient. I sat in that chair, staring at a sign reading use of cell phones are prohibited. Soft music continued to play in the background. It occurred to me that I had the opportunity to do something I rarely have the chance to do. I could take a nap, or at least close my eyes and relax while I waited.
Several minutes passed. Finally my dentist and hygienist returned. They explained that one of the other dentists had been hospitalized that morning and they were trying to make sure that her patients still were seen. They wanted to let me know just how much they appreciated my patience. I had just experienced fifteen glorious minutes of uninterrupted me time. I was hardly put out by the ‘inconvenience’ and told them as much.
I must not have reacted as they expected. The hygienist brought in a warm scented neck pillow, but it didn’t end there. After the last cavity was filled she also brought me a pair of gloves filled with Paraffin wax on the house. (Seriously – how many dental practices do you know that offer beauty treatments as a supplemental income stream?)
Then they left again. More minutes passed. I felt the wax and the neck pillow begin to cool. Tick. Tock. I had only expected to be gone from the office an hour, an hour and a half tops. Now it was getting close to two. I tried to move – to gain someone’s attention. The pillow around my neck limited my head’s range of motion and the gloves on my hands prevented me from addressing the problem. I had allowed myself to become literally trapped in my comfort zone. I realized then that I was only going to be able to get on with my life by finding a way to break free.
As I typed this after the fact, know the gloves did eventually come off. I broke free. But I know this won’t be the last time. I will have to escape my comfort zone again and again because, as the saying goes, that’s where the magic happens.
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Allie Potts 