Tag: parenting

We all need attitude adjustments sometimes

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it
Alan Cohen To make the world a better place, s...
Alan Cohen To make the world a better place, see the world as a better place (Photo credit: symphony of love)

In one month I am going to be the proud parent of a kindergartener. I’ve already verified that I have more than one package of tissues ready in the house. I’m as ready as I can be. He, on the other hand is more than ready. He can read more than a few sight words, knows his numbers and letters, and can perform some basic addition and subtraction. His day care teaches all these Pre-K basics as part of its curriculum, including the dreaded weekly homework assignments.

The Joys Of Homework
The Joys Of Homework (Photo credit: Cayusa)

These assignments are a struggle for everyone involved. My son would rather be doing anything other than writing his words for the week three times in a row. I would rather he was able to enjoy his time at home too. He writes a few of the letters backwards and gets frustrated. He gets distracted and starts doodling on the page. He winds up dragging out the assignment three times as long as it needs to be, especially if I am not hovering over him ensuring he stays focused.

I admit that I equally share his dread of homework too. I only get to see him awake for a couple of hours each night during the week. It bothers me to see him stressed during that time. But on a selfish note, it also annoys me that I am prevented from relaxing while I am forced to play warden.

However I don’t share my opinion of his homework with my son. Too much is at stake.

With Maya Angelou’s passing a number of news and media outlets have run pieces featuring some of her most inspiring quotes. One of my favorites is this, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.”

Cover of "Change Your Attitude"
Cover of Change Your Attitude

Homework isn’t going anywhere any time soon, and my son’s homework is only going to get more labor intensive as he gets older. Therefore since changing the practice of homework isn’t an option, if I am going to follow Maya Angelou’s advice, I am going to have to attempt to change my attitude about his homework.

My son still looks to me to provide guidance. If I let on that his homework is a pain, he is only going to reflect and magnify that opinion, making the weekly struggle to get it done that much more painful. It is already difficult enough to keep him focused on the assignment. If he drags it out any more it will take us two nights to complete rather than the one. Even worse, his attitude could then influence my younger son’s view of the task too, and my youngest is at least five hundred times more stubborn than his brother.

I am going to have to focus on how it is teaching him responsibility and how procrastination can be a really bad thing. Rather than dreading pulling out the sheets, I am going to look forward to that moment when I tell him it is all done correctly and he beams with pride. I am going to keep my mind on the prize, the sight of my son dressed in cap and gown crossing the stage.

If I do this right, with any luck he’ll mouth the words ‘thank you mom,’ as he accepts his diploma. That event combined with that little phrase will make all the stress and lost evenings worth it.

Related articles
Enhanced by Zemanta

Lessons from mom

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it

I’ve blogged a few times about the life lessons my children have taught me, but in celebration of Mother’s Day I thought I would join the masses and write about some of the things my mom has taught me over the years.

1) We all have it in us to be innovators – especially when small, exhausted children are involved.

Unusual Nap Location
Who needs a pack n’ play? My parents, apparently. Don’t worry, Mom assures me that the car was not moving when this photograph was taken.

If you were to stroll down the feeding aisle at the local Wal-Mart, Target, or other large discount retail store, you would be amazed at the sheer variety of products offered, all designed to somehow get liquid into a toddler’s belly without getting a drop on the floor. I’ve seen cups with weighted straws, cups designed to feel like a baby’s bottle, and cups that look like a more traditional plastic cup but have a rubber seal and channel grooves built-in.

I’ve bought nearly a dozen different variations, and yet my youngest refuses all but two.

 

2) Even the most intrepid explorers make use of local guides

Exploring the tall grass
Exploring through the tall grass with my mom.

As a child I once became separated from my family while visiting a retired battleship.  As a former testament to military organization and efficiency you might not think there were very many nooks and crannies available to those on a tour, but I must have found them all. Luckily for me three elder ladies saw the panicked look on my face and helped me navigate the ship until I could find the rest of my group. To this day I consider myself directionally impaired.

I will boldly go into the unknown provided I have done some homework. I have to bring a GPS unit, a printed map, and my phone with me whenever venturing some place new.

 

3) Whether you grow until your fit the suit, or find a way to make the suit fit you, anyone can reach the stars

Space Museum ExhibitOne of my favorite jokes goes like this: The optimist sees the cup as being half full. The pessimist sees it as being half empty. The engineer sees the glass as being twice as big as it needs to be.

There are several females in my family and all of us were regularly exposed to science and math. I liked to break things into their components and attempt to rebuild them. I enjoyed things like space, math, and computer programming. Engineering seemed an appropriate choice for me.

I didn’t learn about things like gender preference for career selection until my school began bringing in various community speakers who gave talks about why females could be anything they wanted to be. Until that moment, I didn’t realize that others hadn’t already learned that message.

4) Embrace the changes in your life…

I’ve written before about the mysterious person in my office who posts motivational quotes on the wall. This month the quote is by John Wooden “Things work out best for those who make the best of the way things work out.”

My parents were convinced I was going to be a boy only to learn the day I was born that another girl would be coming home. Neither loved me any less. Years later I dreamed of having my own girls, but instead brought home two beautiful boys. I don’t think either my mom nor I would have had it any other way.

Birthday

5) …But never forget the constants

My mom will likely be the first one to read this. I had a very difficult time coming up with an anecdote honoring my mom. She has been involved in so many areas of my life that it was hard to feature just one story that I felt would adequately paint a picture of her to the world. I am extremely lucky to have her. Happy Mother’s Day.

Mom and I

Be accountable. Be a champion.

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it
Demotivator : Fired
Demotivator : Fired (Photo credit: muffytyrone)

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I’ve recently had to become re-acquainted with housekeeping. Luckily, my eldest son is at a magical age. He is just old enough to be trusted with chores, and just young enough to feel a sense of reward based on mom and dad’s praise alone rather than requiring the monetary variety.

One night, not too long ago, he offered to wipe down all our kitchen surfaces. We have a glass table and it shows ever smear and ketchup stained fingerprint, so we eagerly took him up on his offer while we put away other things. Except we neglected to remove the entire dinner setting from the table before he got started.

Smash.

Pity
Pity (Photo credit: Arthurvd)

Both my husband and I looked up from our respective areas in the connecting rooms to see that our son had learned a lesson in gravity. One of our glassware had magically transformed the floor into a barefoot nightmare. Our son must have become too enthusiastic with his wiping and swiped it right off the table top.

He looked at the glass. He looked at us. He looked back at the glass.

I expected waterworks. I expected him to blame his toddler brother for distracting him. I expected him to blame his father for leaving the glass on the table. I expected him to blame me for not magically being there to catch the glass before it fell.

I did not expect him to calmly say. “I am sorry mommy. I broke the glass. Are you disappointed in me?”

I shook my head and told him “No. Accidents happen, but I need you to go to another room while we clean this up.”

He said okay, but then he surprised me again. He wasn’t able to finish his chore in the kitchen, but instead of running off to play, he walked around picking up his toys so that it would be easier for me to vacuum.

Am I bragging a little here about my wonderful, mature, preschooler? You’d better believe it, but this story illustrates a under-recognized virtue – accountability.

Accountability is so under-recognized that it does not fall on any of the various lists of virtues. It is true. I looked it up.

Honesty is on the virtue list. I could have prompted my son with a question, “Did you break the glass?” knowing full well he did. Had he answered affirmatively, he would have been truthful, but that wouldn’t be a boast-worthy story.

No, I bring this story up because he not only showed honesty, but also respect, courage, and responsibility by the simple act of admitting to his mistake on his own and finding a way to make amends without burdening the offended party with unnecessary investigation or pursuit of restitution. In other words he made it right without getting Law & Order: MOM involved.

Accountability is another one of those virtues that appears to be harder to retain as we age. Perhaps it is because accountability requires that you provide a report to someone, and public speaking can be scary.

Perhaps it is because no one wants to get stuck in the infinite loop found within the problem solving flow chart.

problem_solving_flow_chart
problem_solving_flow_chart (Photo credit: slark)

Jokes aside, it is all fun and games until someone gets hurt. If you follow scandals in general, the damage caused by the reveal of the cover-up is worse than the damage from the original transgression (excluding violent crimes), and yet people keep forgetting that lesson. They choose not to admit to the crime up front, and hope that no one will ever notice. These people place a higher value on other things than personal accountability.

Personal accountability is simple on paper. You accepted a task. You are responsible for ensuring it is completed as agreed. There will always be factors that are out of your control. It is your responsibility to minimize the risk of those factors. If you still fail to complete the task, it is your responsibility to notify others promptly and make amends.

Unfortunately personal accountability is also tough. Unless we are gifted with great genes, looking in the mirror isn’t always pleasant, especially when reporting bad news. We can’t all be Dorian Grey. Many of us would prefer to imagine ourselves looking the way we did during some prior event. Dressed to the nines, weight – eh good enough, and skin stunningly perfect. Rather than a mirror, we prefer to look at a doctored photograph.

So if accountability becomes rarer, the laws of supply and demand would suggest that it should grow more valuable over time. Therefore people should value personal accountability over other lesser things. Right?

Accidents happen. Admit them to yourself and to others. Make them right. And move on. In the words of Freddie Mercury:

I’ve paid my dues
Time after time.
I’ve done my sentence
But committed no crime.
And bad mistakes ‒
I’ve made a few.
I’ve had my share of sand kicked in my face
But I’ve come through.

…’Cause we are the champions.

We can only be the champions of change if we own up to what’s gone wrong.

Related articles
Enhanced by Zemanta

Spring is arriving and for every thing there is a season

by Allie P., posted in Indie book promotion, Life as I know it
Just like the seasons, people have the ability...
Just like the seasons, people have the ability to change (Photo credit: symphony of love)

Earlier this week I was invited to participate in one of my area’s working mom’s luncheons coordinated through the city’s Chamber of Commerce. I love these functions because everyone there is not only trying to expand their network for business purposes, but are genuinely interested in swapping tips for how best to achieve work life balance.

After a bit of pure socialization the more formal portion of the program began and the guest speaker took the stage. She was cheerful and energetic during her introduction and I was eager to hear what secrets this person who so obviously had her life together was going to share with the group.

Then she started telling us her life story, and the smile slipped. I realized very quickly how very wrong I had been to judge her particular book from its cover. She talked about dealing with the death of a parent in her early teens, and how she struggled to put herself through college and achieve her dream job. Just as you thought she was going to wrap up her presentation with the old “and they all lived happily ever after,” she told us about her experience with every parent’s worst nightmare, the loss of a child.

You could have heard a pin drop in the room. I felt my eyes tear up as she went on to talk about how she was only able to get out of bed due to her eldest child and the guilt she felt in having another baby later. Amazingly, somehow she had been able to maintain the ability to feel gratitude even after her ordeal; gratitude for her family, her friends, and her extended support network. She told us about how while her family would never be whole,  they were made stronger.

She tasked us all to discuss the challenges we individually had faced and how we had been able to grow as a result. In full disclosure, no one at my table felt we could top that speech. Her experience had been too raw, too real, for us to process over the next thirty minutes and a cupcake. We instead choose to tackle safer topics such as the ideal age difference in siblings and the headaches resulting from our local kindergarten enrollment process.

Tasmanian Devil in defensive stance, at Tasman...
Tasmanian Devil in defensive stance, at Tasmanian Devil Conservation Park, Tasman Peninsula. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I went home that night and my toddler’s terrible twos were in full force. Imagine a Tasmanian Devil hopped up on speed, chased with a pack of Red Bull. You might then have some idea of his disposition. He was having one of those days. His brother wasn’t exactly helping the situation by demanding my attention each and every time I attempted to sit down and decompress. But as much as I might have been tempted at that moment to sell them to the circus, at least both of my boys were home and healthy.

Obviously dealing with the challenges of living with the pre-school set can in no way compare with the challenges of living without them. As I checked on my boys sleeping peacefully in their beds later that evening, I was reminded of how lucky I have been to have my own family and support network.

Usually I would end my post with some related reading, but as I did not participate in the group assignment when instructed, I would like to take this time to complete my homework. In addition to the gratitude I feel towards the support my family and friends have given me, I would also like to express my thanks to a few of my fellow author/bloggers celebrating their own big news this month for unknowingly inspiring, motivating, and/or helping to guide me through the publishing process.

Listed in no particular order –

Enhanced by Zemanta

How I’ve embraced cheap child labor

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it

 

 

Oh that glorious moment when you realize your children are finally old enough to really help around the house…

 

 

Our sons are lucky enough to have a large extended family, many of whom happen to live close by. This is great when the hubby and I have found ourselves in need of a babysitter, but can be expensive during the birthday and holiday season. Especially as most of the cousins are now old enough to understand the concept of presents and note their lacking. As there are several of them, birthday season now spans from July until February.

 

Up until very recently our eldest son (now aged 5) had been paralyzed by shyness in social situations preferring to cling to either his father or I during non-family hosted parties. Whatever had been holding him back was suddenly switched off. This change has resulted in him being invited to more birthday parties, meaning more gifts.

 

My husband, ever our family’s jokester informed our son that he was going to have to give his friend one of the toys he received from Christmas in response to one of his latest invitations. Our son looked at me as if to say “HELP! Dad can’t be serious!” I decided to play along with his father offering our son a deal: If he could complete enough chores to earn ten points by the end of the week, he would be able to keep his gifts and pick out something for his friend.

 

kindergartener supervising infant labor - _MG_1339
kindergartener supervising infant labor – _MG_1339 (Photo credit: sean dreilinger)

 

We drew up one of those fundraising thermometer graphs marking all ten points needed to fill it to the top. He quickly embraced the idea doing all sorts of chores around the house like emptying out the dishwasher and dragging the garbage cans back to the house, but was still sort a few points short and losing interest in the game by the end of the week. We had to think up something and think up something fast!

 

Then my husband had an idea. A brilliant idea. The kiddo could scrub toilets! I just had to show him how much fun it could be. You would have thought we just gave him the keys to the city! Not only was he being given some crazy blue substance that squirted out of a bottle, but Mom and Dad were actually happy he was pouring it all over the sides. If that wasn’t the best part there was a secret brush that was just his size hidden in the back corner of the bathroom.

 

What started out as a joke turned into a fantastic experience for us all. The hubby and I probably earned a free hour or so in the process, but the benefits to our son were even greater. He worked hard for his points and was more excited to give his friend the gift he had earned and selected than had I just picked something out. He also was able to practice math, and took pride in his results. If he figures out how to outsource work to his little brother, we may well have another budding entrepreneur in the family.

 

Unfortunately ever since our game, our son has taken over the bathrooms as if they were his own personal fiefdom. Woe on you if you happen to leave it in a state of mess. He will make sure to tell everyone he knows how badly you left it and how important it is that he take care of it right away. We might consider working with him on tact next.

 

Related articles

 

 

Enhanced by Zemanta