Allie P.

If you are irreplaceable why try to replace someone else?

May 22, 2014May 21, 2014 by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it

My parents divorced early in my childhood and my mom was lucky enough to meet and marry my stepdad a few years later. One afternoon, shortly afterwards, my mom pulled me aside. She wanted me to know that my stepdad was not trying to replace my father, but that we were all going to have to make some adjustments.

Bored... — Bored… (Photo credit: Thomas Leuthard)

Now I do not recall intentionally acting out, or purposefully saying hurtful things to my new stepdad before this talk, but I assume since she went to all the trouble of speaking to me individually rather than at the same time as my sisters, I must have done something. I do remember thinking that my mom’s decision to marry this person felt rather sudden to me. Only as I matured did I realize that she wouldn’t have introduced us to him until their relationship was rather serious, which would imply that their courtship was longer than it seemed to a young child.

Jumping forward, I have been promoted of sorts at my day job, and part of my new assignment is to take over the management of an established team. Unlike my prior promotion, I didn’t ask for this one, and this promotion came at the expense of a colleague. A colleague who is well liked throughout the organization, but one whose talents, our superiors thought, would better serve the company in a role that didn’t allow for the day-to-day management of people.

The news broke that I would be stepping in to fill this newly vacated role and I had the opportunity to sit front and center as his staff reacted. And react they did.

For over half of the team, I was an unknown. They had seen me in the halls, but we had not had much interaction beyond a brief hello. Additionally they had liked their existing team. They had known their place in the organization. Now the earth was shifting out from under their feet. It didn’t matter that I had known this was in the works for the past few days. It didn’t matter that I have years of experience with my company or an established track record with my own direct reports. To them, it was a shocking decision and I represented a threat to their security.

unwelcome (Photo credit: nevermindtheend)

Therefore I wasn’t entirely surprised when I didn’t exactly receive a glowing welcome. One of my new reports very vocally stated that my predecessor was the best manager he had ever had in his nearly 50 years of professional experience while looking directly at me. While I don’t normally like to elaborate on my age, lets just say that he has more working experience than I have experience living. I could have easily taken the statement personally – a hostile, judgmental attack against ability based on my age.

The next few days aren’t going to be easy.

I had to take a quiet breath and eliminate my emotional response. I had to remember that this meeting wasn’t about me. My predecessor was also in the room and my new direct report was trying to issue one final compliment to his former boss. He wasn’t trying to disrespect me, he was trying to show his respect for my colleague. It also gave me a great opening for a follow-up conversation.

I usually have a healthy ego. As such, I believe I have a unique mix of qualities. Sure, my employer might be able to move on without me, but I like to think that they would not be able to find my clone out there with my exact mix of skills, experience, and personality. If I am irreplaceable, why in the world would I think that I could replace someone else exactly and trying would not benefit anyone. I was chosen for this new assignment for a reason.

Just like my mom had done with me so many years ago, I realized I was going to have to pull him aside for a heart to heart after our initial meeting. I asked him, what made his predecessor such a great manager? I was up front with him. I told him that I would not pretend that I was going to try to do things the same way, but I would do what I could to accommodate his needs as long as I knew what those needs were. We wound up having a pretty decent chat.

I hope that as a result he’ll learn to recognize that I am not trying to replace the boss he has placed on a pedestal. We are both now in the situation of making the best of what we’ve been given. After my talk with my mom about my new stepdad, I consciously tried to make more of an effort. I hope it was noticed. There was never a follow-up discussion which makes me think it was. I am keeping my fingers crossed that this situation might also work out over time as well.

What do cloudy days and rejection have in common other than being dreary?

May 19, 2014May 19, 2014 by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it

File photo of the chikccraft books — File photo of the childcraft books (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Shortly after my son was born my parents decided to use the excuse of our new addition to rid themselves of some of the clutter around their house. We came back from one visit with a crate full of children’s encyclopedias which sat in my son’s closet for the next several years. I found myself just as unable to throw them out as my parents even though they were definitely out of date. They had been my encyclopedias after all, from a time before the internet. It just goes against my nature to throw out books.

Then my nephew turned four. He had a dinosaur themed birthday party and all guests including my son were given dinosaur hunter themed goodie bags. My son came home eager to learn more about them. As a child I had wanted to be a paleontologist when I grew up, so I latched on to his enthusiasm. He asked if we had any books on dinosaurs. I remembered the crate and a short time later we were dusting off its contents.

As we were going through the collection, we discovered a book wedged between the encyclopedias titled, How to make a cloud. My son was intrigued. He asked us to read it to him. The book turned out to be all about weather and types of clouds. I thought my son would be bored after the first chapter, but he insisted we finish the book.

I have to admit I learned something, or at least I re-learned something I’d forgotten. For example, I learned that clouds don’t just form because rising vapor cools in the atmosphere. That vapor must first come in contact with dust, dirt, or other imperfections in the air.

I recently received a rejection letter. My work was either deemed not a good fit for their present direction, or they believed they had access to a better option. I don’t have huge amounts of spare time to engage in idle inquires. I wouldn’t have sent my inquiry if I didn’t think I offered what they were looking for. But for whatever reason they had seen a flaw and moved on, and my self-esteem took a hit.

If there were no imperfections churning and blowing throughout our atmosphere there would be nothing to catch the rising steam. Nothing to condense it and transform it back into the liquid water so necessary for life to continue. Nothing could grow and nothing could survive.

Rejection hurts. There is no disputing that. But it also serves as a vital component in our growth. I may take a day or two to lick my wounds and soothe my pride, but I can’t dwell on the rejection itself. I also live with my little lord tyrant, my two-year old. Every other word out of his mouth is no. No is an incredibly easy word to say. I hear it everyday. It is his answer to everything whether or not he understands the question. But that doesn’t stop either my husband or I from continuing to try to find a way to sneak vegetables into his meals.

I have to remember that while there is always room for improvement, the reason for my rejection could have nothing at all to do with me. I have to tilt my head back and drink in the rain. I have to focus on how this stumbling block can aid in my personal and professional transformation. I have to keep trying.

I have to remember that I even if I hear a million nos, all it will take is a single yes by the right person.

Lessons from mom

May 12, 2014May 12, 2014 by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it

I’ve blogged a few times about the life lessons my children have taught me, but in celebration of Mother’s Day I thought I would join the masses and write about some of the things my mom has taught me over the years.

1) We all have it in us to be innovators – especially when small, exhausted children are involved.

Unusual Nap Location — Who needs a pack n’ play? My parents, apparently. Don’t worry, Mom assures me that the car was not moving when this photograph was taken.

If you were to stroll down the feeding aisle at the local Wal-Mart, Target, or other large discount retail store, you would be amazed at the sheer variety of products offered, all designed to somehow get liquid into a toddler’s belly without getting a drop on the floor. I’ve seen cups with weighted straws, cups designed to feel like a baby’s bottle, and cups that look like a more traditional plastic cup but have a rubber seal and channel grooves built-in.

I’ve bought nearly a dozen different variations, and yet my youngest refuses all but two.

2) Even the most intrepid explorers make use of local guides

Exploring the tall grass — Exploring through the tall grass with my mom.

As a child I once became separated from my family while visiting a retired battleship. As a former testament to military organization and efficiency you might not think there were very many nooks and crannies available to those on a tour, but I must have found them all. Luckily for me three elder ladies saw the panicked look on my face and helped me navigate the ship until I could find the rest of my group. To this day I consider myself directionally impaired.

I will boldly go into the unknown provided I have done some homework. I have to bring a GPS unit, a printed map, and my phone with me whenever venturing some place new.

3) Whether you grow until your fit the suit, or find a way to make the suit fit you, anyone can reach the stars

One of my favorite jokes goes like this: The optimist sees the cup as being half full. The pessimist sees it as being half empty. The engineer sees the glass as being twice as big as it needs to be.

There are several females in my family and all of us were regularly exposed to science and math. I liked to break things into their components and attempt to rebuild them. I enjoyed things like space, math, and computer programming. Engineering seemed an appropriate choice for me.

I didn’t learn about things like gender preference for career selection until my school began bringing in various community speakers who gave talks about why females could be anything they wanted to be. Until that moment, I didn’t realize that others hadn’t already learned that message.

4) Embrace the changes in your life…

I’ve written before about the mysterious person in my office who posts motivational quotes on the wall. This month the quote is by John Wooden “Things work out best for those who make the best of the way things work out.”

My parents were convinced I was going to be a boy only to learn the day I was born that another girl would be coming home. Neither loved me any less. Years later I dreamed of having my own girls, but instead brought home two beautiful boys. I don’t think either my mom nor I would have had it any other way.

5) …But never forget the constants

My mom will likely be the first one to read this. I had a very difficult time coming up with an anecdote honoring my mom. She has been involved in so many areas of my life that it was hard to feature just one story that I felt would adequately paint a picture of her to the world. I am extremely lucky to have her. Happy Mother’s Day.

Is your safety net actually a drag chute?

May 8, 2014September 16, 2014 by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it, Personal Favorites

21st annual California Hot Rod Reunion (Photo credit: ATOMIC Hot Links)

Over the last few weeks I have watched a few of the blogs I follow sign off for good. The authors were moving on to other day job challenges and no longer could put in the time to write. Considering one of my goals is to find a way to write more, their choice was somewhat puzzling to me, but I respect that they made the decision that worked best for their personal situation.

The Lonely Vacuum Of Space (Photo credit: JD Hancock)

As I am often inspired by other bloggers and entrepreneurs, I found myself in a bit of an inspirational vacuum this week with their departure. I was going to have to take desperate measures. I decided to go for a jog hoping that might help get the creative juices flowing.

Not being a fan of the cold, I did not manage to stay in peak physical condition over the past winter. I found myself walking well before I reached my destination. I scolded myself. I told myself I was going to have to sprint to make up the time. I saw a stop sign in the distance and promised myself not to let up until I reached it.

Then my legs started to hurt and I thought to myself, well that’s close enough, it’s a nice day and there aren’t exactly bears chasing me. I’m still burning calories. I walked the rest of the way home.

But what if I there had been bears. Could I have made it to the stop sign, or would I have been lunch? Would I have found a way to suffer through the pain, or would I have rolled over and succumbed to the inevitable?

Sometimes I have to wonder if my safety net is actually working against me.

The Dark Knight Rises (1 of 2) (Photo credit: Brett Jordan)

There is a scene in Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight Rises where Bruce Wayne is stuck in a pit. He can escape anytime he wants, provided he can somehow scale the nearly unbroken vertical wall. He is even given a safety rope to keep him from plummeting to his death. His captors are not entirely monsters after all. After several failures, Bruce Wayne decides to forgo the rope. This time he reaches the distant ledges and pulls himself out. Hurrah!

By tying the rope around his waist, he was subconsciously telling his brain that failure was an option. As a result his adrenalin didn’t spike to the necessary levels and his muscles didn’t propel him far enough.

I didn’t want to push my legs too hard as I wouldn’t have been able to walk home. My ability to walk home was my safety net and I wanted to protect it. However by doing so, I allowed myself to fail my original goal. Just like the chute that is deployed out of racing vehicles, my safety net held me back.

In this case the failure just hurt my pride. Abandoning my safety net in pursuit of a small personal goal wasn’t worth the risk. However for goals that really matter, failure should not be an option. Sometimes in order to get what you really want in life, you have to be willing to risk everything.

Are you a supporter or do you truly believe?

May 5, 2014May 5, 2014 by Allie P., posted in Book Stuff and Publishing News, Life as I know it

When I was in high school I played basketball in a church league. I have to qualify my league of play because I am not exactly what anyone would describe as being tall. My high school’s coaches would have laughed me off the court had I shown up for try outs. My team was made up of several other like-minded individuals. We were there out of friendship rather than talent.

In other words, we were awful. I fouled out many of those games because I had a better chance of preventing the other team from scoring than actually making a shot myself.

We were so bad that the opposing team’s fans cheered for us when we managed to score a basket.

You might think that other teams would have been made up with the same caliber of misfit and be equally terrible, but you’d be wrong. Our opponents were also affiliated with religious organizations, but were religious high schools. They had access to the cream of the crop rather than just making do with random volunteers. My poor coaches didn’t stand a chance.

Washington Generals, I feel your pain. We went into each game knowing that we were going to lose, but determined to have a good time anyway. We would call out words of encouragement to each other from the bench. Good Hustle! Nice pass! But it was never enough.

Then one season some new recruits joined our little team. These girls had game. We started lose only by single digits. Then only by two points. Suddenly we were ending games in the W column. It was like every single feel good sports movie you’ve ever seen, only it was my reality. The opposing team’s parents stopped cheering for us when we made our shots. We were a real threat. Our coach no longer allowed us goof off during practice. She tasked us with working harder we accepted. We began to believe we had a chance.

We finished my last season second in the league.

When I first published An Uncertain Faith, I heard a lot of people say, great job. I wish I could do something like that. I sold early copies to friends and acquaintances willing to support me in my dream. Then months after it was published one of my friends told me, “I read your book, and it was good. I mean, I would have liked it even if you weren’t the author.” She supported me, but her surprise, while extremely complimentary, proved she hadn’t been a true believer up until that point.

Co-workers began to ask me how far along I was with book project two. I gave status reports such as when I hit the 50% and 75% mark on my first draft. I started telling them how I was doing with the blog and what I was learning along the way. I can tell you the exact moment when many of my closest friends, family, and co-workers stopped merely supporting me and started to actually believe in me. I saw the change in their face and in the tone of their voice when they asked their questions.

Their tone became sharper, harder, but not in bad way. Just like my old basketball coach, they were more serious in their interest. I returned the tone in kind. I wasn’t talking about a hobby. I was telling them about my business. I was working hard and it was showing.

I am now only a month away from finishing up the initial first draft of my second novel. I am no longer only shouting words of encouragement at myself from the bench. Cheering my efforts, but not visualizing the win. I believe in myself. I believe that I have the determination to accomplish my goal.

Author: Allie P.

If you are irreplaceable why try to replace someone else?

What do cloudy days and rejection have in common other than being dreary?

Lessons from mom

Is your safety net actually a drag chute?

Are you a supporter or do you truly believe?

Thank you for your response. ✨

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