Tag: life lessons

What have you done with your extra hour?

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it

The inventor of Daylight Savings Time obviously was not a family man, or at least he wasn’t the primary caregiver. If he was, he would never have proposed a system in which children under the age of thirteen are expected to go to bed or expected to stay in bed after waking up an hour differently from what they are accustomed to. Mine, like so many others, don’t take the change well. The following day is almost assured to be a cranky day. This year, Daylight Savings Time ended the same weekend as Halloween. We also had a cold front roll in combined with rain. Extreme sugar induced mood swings, time change crankiness, and all of us forced to stay inside, what could be better?!

We had allowed our boys to stay up late the evening before the change with the hope that they might sleep in an extra hour the following day. While this plan has never once worked, we always remain hopeful. By the time things had quieted down, the hubby and I were exhausted. My hubby turned to me and asked, what would you do if you had an extra hour? Without waiting for my response, he told me his answer. “Imagine nine hours of sleep.”

I will admit that the idea of nine hours of sleep each night did sound heavenly at the time. Earlier in the week, our toddler chose to wake in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. Extra time for sleep would be the ultimate luxury, or so I thought Saturday evening. On Sunday, the rain had passed and a look out the window showed a beautiful Fall day. While I drank my morning coffee, I found myself thinking, what would I do, really?

An extra hour every day equates into essentially an extra three years over a lifetime. Would I really want to spend that time in bed, or would I take that time and do something more exciting? Then again, would I even be allowed to spend that time on myself, or would I be expected to spend that extra time in the office? As the saying goes, nature abhors a vacuum. If I didn’t find a use of those extra sixty minutes, I am pretty confident that someone or something else would fill it for me.

I often think that life would be so much easier if there were more hours in the day, but is that really the truth or an opportunity for more stress to enter into my life?

Perhaps it might be better to examine the flip side of the question. If I had one less hour everyday, what would I be willing to sacrifice? If the answer to that comes to mind easily, then what is stopping me from letting it go today and gaining that extra hour tomorrow?

What is stopping you?

Time is what we want the most

Parting with an old friend

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it

I remember the day I picked out my stroller. I was so overwhelmed with the number of options out there and had a difficult time staying focused on my need versus want list with all those little kicks in my stomach. I finally selected one of those stroller systems which includes a car carrier that clicks and locks into place. It was easy to push, and could fold down with a single twist of a hand.

This last feature proved to be particularly beneficial to me as my husband went into business for himself slightly before the birth of our first child. My son was planned. The factory closure where my husband worked prior was not. At least it wasn’t planned by us. I would strongly caution others to think long and hard about their decision to start a business at the same time as bringing adding an infant to the family if there are other options on the table, or if you lack a strong local network of friends and family willing to pitch in.

We didn’t know better. He was already chewing on the entrepreneurship option, the factory situation merely sped up the time-table. As a result, I found myself spending several evenings alone with only the dog and the baby for company while the hubby acted as sales, marketing, service, and support for his fledgling business.

As neither of my two companions were exactly strong conversationalists, I decided to take us to the streets. I walked miles upon miles with that stroller, holding it with one hand and the dog’s leash in the other. Neighbors laughed. I looked like I was conducting some southern suburban dog sled race. I embraced the image. I intentionally hammed it up when there were witnesses grateful for the attention of other adults.

Then one day we were walking down our usual route when a cat bolted out from a nearby bush. My dog, a stocky 60 pounds of pure muscle, darted after it, snapping the leash from my hand. Off balanced, I fell, bringing the stroller down with me. My son started screaming as the stroller landed on its side. The sound caused my dog to stop chasing the cat and return to our side full of concern.

Passerbys also came running to help. I stopped trying to compete for the mother of the year award a long time ago, but I still felt like the lowest scum of the earth as I attempted to calm my son. My neighbor pointed to the buckles as I fumbled to release them. “It’s okay. He’s okay. The stroller did what it is supposed to.” He must have repeated the phrase three times before I really heard what he was saying. My son had been strapped into his stroller with its five point buckling system and had suffered no injury. He had only been scared due to the sudden change of altitude.

Have stroller will travel
My eldest helping me to take the baby for a stroll

My husband’s work schedule eventually settled into something more manageable. He was able to join me for walks more and more. The stroller was swapped out for a tricycle. Then our other son was born and the stroller once again became a necessity, but time advances like an avalanche.

Now my sister-in-law is expecting her first child, and is experiencing that same nervous overwhelming feeling I remember so well. My husband and I are content with our two children. We offered to give her the stroller months ago. But the actual act of giving was more difficult than I anticipated. I had so many great memories associated with it. Not just of my boys’ babyhood, but great times with my dog, who has since departed as well. Sending it away felt like I was truly closing the door on that time of my life.

But sentiment was the only reason to keep it around. It might trigger memories, but in the meantime it was going to collect dust and take up space in the garage. At the same time, my sister-in-law’s need wouldn’t become any less real. I had to remind myself, it was going to be okay. It had done what it was designed to do. I had to let go of the physical object. The memories would always be mine, but it was time to send the stroller on to its new home. May it give my sister in law equally great memories.

I now have room for new adventures with wagons, big kid bikes, scooters, skateboards, or whatever else may find its way into my garage over the next several years. I may have closed one door, but that thought is enough to make me look forward to opening the next with a smile.

 

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Once stung, twice equipped with repellent

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it
Meet Mr. Yellow Jacket (129 of 365) (EXPLORED!)
Meet Mr. Yellow Jacket (129 of 365) (EXPLORED!) (Photo credit: rimblas)

When I was a teenager, I was attacked by a swarm of ground hornets while hiking with a group of friends. I never even saw their nest. Someone ahead of me must have inadvertently stepped where he or she shouldn’t have and by the time they had flown to the surface in a rage I was the closest target.

A very short time later, areas of my body had swollen up like baseballs. I found my way on an express route to the emergency room.

I have a healthy respect for stinging insects of all kinds. I don’t squish them just for the crime of being bugs. I understand that the outdoors is their world. I try to remain calm and motionless when they are near, or avoid them altogether if I see them in the distance. I don’t bother them if they don’t bother me.

But when they try to build a nest in my porch, or more recently, move in underneath my children’s sandbox, I have to do something about it. I am no longer passive or kind. I don’t want to find out the hard way that my allergy has been passed on to my children. Or worse, that their reaction might be more than moderate.

At that point I have to make it clear to those insects that their continued presence will not be tolerated. Those that survive the lesson should move on to more welcoming ground.

“Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me.” – Al Capone.

I self published my first novel, and have been debating whether or not this was a path I would like to take again for my second. I’ve been reading about how little new authors can expect from large publishers and how aspiring authors are now asked to provide some potential publishers with a business plan and marketing plan in addition to the manuscript. I recently read an article entitled Publishing 3.0 detailing the rise of the authorpreneur. While the term authorpreneur may sound like one of those celebrity mash-up names, I find that it is completely appropriate in this instance. To be a successful self published or indie author, you do have to have an understanding as to what it takes to be an entrepreneur.

Like writing professionally, entrepreneurship is hard work. It too requires sacrifice and long hours, but with different results. Purchase orders are rarely aesthetically pleasing. But for an entrepreneur that first order is a work of art, one as beautiful to behold as a published novel with its glossy cover. It gets framed and permanently mounted on the wall for all the world to see.

Entrepreneurship can be at times a wonderful thing. There is something deeply satisfying about watching the business that you helped start grow and thrive. Whether you are your only employee or have a larger staff, it is both rewarding and terrifying to know that their ability to care for their families is because of what you’ve put in place.

But unfortunately, an entrepreneur is still not entirely in control of his/her own destiny. There are always going to be people out there who look upon your success with envy. They either want what you have, or are afraid that you have the ability to take something away from them. They will attack in ways you never saw coming, especially if they believe you aren’t paying attention.

During this time you have to keep in mind that these attacks are actually compliments. They are a testament to your ability and your achievements. They are recognition that what you have done has been noticed. You have to be the bigger person. Stay true to your values and out of their domain. Walk away if you can. Ignore them if you can’t.

That is until you have been stung one too many times and they mistake your kindness as weakness, your willingness to turn the other cheek as acceptance, and they threaten your baby’s life.

“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”
― Patrick Rothfuss, The Wise Man’s Fear

At that point, let them keep their compliments. It is time to hire the exterminator and bring out the bug spray.

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Lessons from mom

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it

I’ve blogged a few times about the life lessons my children have taught me, but in celebration of Mother’s Day I thought I would join the masses and write about some of the things my mom has taught me over the years.

1) We all have it in us to be innovators – especially when small, exhausted children are involved.

Unusual Nap Location
Who needs a pack n’ play? My parents, apparently. Don’t worry, Mom assures me that the car was not moving when this photograph was taken.

If you were to stroll down the feeding aisle at the local Wal-Mart, Target, or other large discount retail store, you would be amazed at the sheer variety of products offered, all designed to somehow get liquid into a toddler’s belly without getting a drop on the floor. I’ve seen cups with weighted straws, cups designed to feel like a baby’s bottle, and cups that look like a more traditional plastic cup but have a rubber seal and channel grooves built-in.

I’ve bought nearly a dozen different variations, and yet my youngest refuses all but two.

 

2) Even the most intrepid explorers make use of local guides

Exploring the tall grass
Exploring through the tall grass with my mom.

As a child I once became separated from my family while visiting a retired battleship.  As a former testament to military organization and efficiency you might not think there were very many nooks and crannies available to those on a tour, but I must have found them all. Luckily for me three elder ladies saw the panicked look on my face and helped me navigate the ship until I could find the rest of my group. To this day I consider myself directionally impaired.

I will boldly go into the unknown provided I have done some homework. I have to bring a GPS unit, a printed map, and my phone with me whenever venturing some place new.

 

3) Whether you grow until your fit the suit, or find a way to make the suit fit you, anyone can reach the stars

Space Museum ExhibitOne of my favorite jokes goes like this: The optimist sees the cup as being half full. The pessimist sees it as being half empty. The engineer sees the glass as being twice as big as it needs to be.

There are several females in my family and all of us were regularly exposed to science and math. I liked to break things into their components and attempt to rebuild them. I enjoyed things like space, math, and computer programming. Engineering seemed an appropriate choice for me.

I didn’t learn about things like gender preference for career selection until my school began bringing in various community speakers who gave talks about why females could be anything they wanted to be. Until that moment, I didn’t realize that others hadn’t already learned that message.

4) Embrace the changes in your life…

I’ve written before about the mysterious person in my office who posts motivational quotes on the wall. This month the quote is by John Wooden “Things work out best for those who make the best of the way things work out.”

My parents were convinced I was going to be a boy only to learn the day I was born that another girl would be coming home. Neither loved me any less. Years later I dreamed of having my own girls, but instead brought home two beautiful boys. I don’t think either my mom nor I would have had it any other way.

Birthday

5) …But never forget the constants

My mom will likely be the first one to read this. I had a very difficult time coming up with an anecdote honoring my mom. She has been involved in so many areas of my life that it was hard to feature just one story that I felt would adequately paint a picture of her to the world. I am extremely lucky to have her. Happy Mother’s Day.

Mom and I

Nothing is impossible for those who reject the word can’t

by Allie P., posted in Personal Favorites
Master Cheng Yen There is nothing we cannot ac...
Master Cheng Yen There is nothing we cannot achieve if we are willing to think, cultivate and take mindful action (Photo credit: symphony of love)

After weeks of snow and/or rain, a recent weekend’s blue skies and warm weather sent my family outside to jump start a bit of spring cleaning and yard maintenance. While the husband was busy reorganizing the garage, our eldest son decided that our house needed other improvements – specifically a large watch tower in the backyard.

He took a sheet of paper and drew out his plans including the placement of various construction equipment he felt would be needed to complete the build. As an aside, you know you are a mother of boys when you know the difference between a front loader and an excavator even though you’ve never set foot on a construction site.

He had been so proud of his creation that we did not want to crush his dreams right away, but as the sun began to set, our son became more and more anxious that his father hadn’t yet driven him over to “the construction store” to pick up the roller, cement mixer, and crane. My husband and I were at a loss as to how to handle the situation as we try hard not to resort to using “because I said so” unless absolutely necessary.

As a result, we tried to explain to him the many reasons why his plans weren’t going to become a reality any time soon. The construction store (whatever that was) was closed. Dad didn’t have proper licensing to drive the equipment. The large vehicles wouldn’t fit through the gate into the backyard. We would need to first apply to the city for proper building permits.

For each and ever reason we threw out, our son had a counter argument. We could go to the store the following day, dad could hire workers, and the watch tower could be built in the front yard.

The point of this story is this: it is nearly impossible to argue with someone about why something is not going to happen, or why something is never going to be available when that person has no concept of the word “can’t.”

In my office, there is a mystery person who randomly places motivational quotes up on the bulletin board. The most recent quote reads, “people who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” – George Bernard Shaw

We are all born with a sense that there is nothing in this world that is impossible. We watch magicians perform their illusions with awe and wonder. It is only we “mature” that we stop watching the show for entertainment and instead spend the time at the show trying to figure out how to disprove the trick. Just imagine the feats we as a society might accomplish if we stopped accepting the “because I told you so.”

Instead, when faced with naysayers, what if we always remembered to look for alternatives, whether it be for business goals or personal interests. What if we changed the question from “why can’t I do this” to “what do I need to do this?”

It always seems impossible until it's done.
It always seems impossible until it’s done. (Photo credit: symphony of love)
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