Author: Allie P.

Fake it until you make it

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it, Personal Favorites

We took a quick road trip over the weekend. The boys demanded a movie within seconds of the engine starting. We have a pile of DVDs ready for just such an emergency however we’ve played them so many times now that the hubby and I can repeat the dialogue by heart. Therefore we weren’t exactly thrilled to fire up the player. We told them they were going to have to wait until we reached the interstate.

We have two sets of headphones that go along with the entertainment system so that backseat passengers can listen to their movie while the front seat listens to the radio. Unfortunately my two-year old is too young to appreciate the benefit. He has no interest in keeping a large electronic accessory strapped to his head.

My eldest was patient for approximately ten minutes which I am sure felt like hours to him. He begged us once again to turn on a movie. We told him that we would put the movie on after his brother fell asleep. He immediately turned to his brother and said, “go to sleep so that we can watch a movie.”

If my youngest was any older, I am sure that would have been exactly the wrong thing to say to achieve his goal, instead my youngest smiled and pretended to fake sleep, including snoring. Snoring loudly. Then not so loudly.

I turned around. My youngest was sound asleep in his chair. He pretended he was asleep until it became his reality. I handed over the headphones to my eldest and fired up the DVD player. Three out of four of us achieved our goal.

The morale of the story is sometimes you have to fake it to make it. Or in my sons’ example, have your underlings fake it until you make it.

Mark Twain once said that “to succeed in life you need two things: confidence and ignorance.” The ignorance part is easy. We all start out as amateurs. Had I known everything I know now would I have taken the same path? Maybe. I can’t say, but I wouldn’t be the person I am today had I not veered off course or made a mistake or two hundred.

The confidence part is trickier. How can you build up your confidence when you’ve never done something before? Some people take issue with the phrase fake it to make it as the word fake implies that what you are doing is deceitful and or a lie. I understand where they are coming from, but I fear that they may be getting caught up on the literal definition. You should never commit fraud or portray yourself as anything other than authentic, but adults can and should still play make-believe. Like a toddler mimicking the actions of an adult, or older sibling, you have to act in the manner in which you believe a successful person should act. It’s not brainwashing. It’s practice. In this manner you gain experience, which reinforces belief. Belief then fuels confidence. If you can convince yourself that you deserve to succeed, then one day you may just discover that you are no longer pretending.

What’s in your garden?

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it
Garden "butchart gardens", Vancouver...
Definitely not my garden. Garden “butchart gardens”, Vancouver Island, British Columbia, Canada (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When my husband and I decided to start landscaping our yard, we decided that we wanted to include a garden in our plans. I thought to myself how nice it would be to have rows of flower beds. My husband, having grown up in a more rural setting, wanted to plant things like corn and other vegetables.

We wanted the same thing in theory, but had completely different ideas as to how to achieve it. It was one of those times requiring compromise. He was willing to plant things other than corn, but every plant we selected for the garden had to serve a purpose beyond looking pretty.

Blackberry-flower
Blackberry-flower (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We selected strawberries, blackberries, grapes, tomatoes, peppers, squash, green beans, some herbs, and others. Almost all of these flower before transforming. Those that don’t at least smell wonderful before being chopped up or dried for recipes. Everything is edible.

I still love viewing other people’s flower gardens. But everything we chose had to add something to our lives we both valued. As a result, our garden feeds our stomachs as well as our senses.

One of the challenges I have faced since I began writing has been ensuring the words I select for inclusion serve a purpose beyond looking pretty. For example, flowery language is fine, but it must bear fruit. If it doesn’t, then I have to cut it out like a garden weed.

It’s a skill I am still working to improve, both in my novels as well as on my blog. This article used to be twice as long, but the only value those extra words added was as an increase to my word count.

It is the same at the day job. If the assignment or opportunity doesn’t create a value for me or the organization exceeding the resource drain then I have to ask if it should be pursued. You can still be a team player even if you turn a task down now and then. Not all business opportunities are created equal either.

Yes, you can eat dandelions if you are starving, but most people would classify those as weeds. Left unchecked, weeds will choke out better crops or rob those crops of nutrients. They will grow and spread even if you ignore them. Why help them do their damage by spreading nitrogen or other fertilizer on them?  The trick is recognizing the weeds for what they are before they have taken root.

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What is bad news today might just be the best news tomorrow

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it

When my husband I decided to purchase our house, our lives were quite different from what they are today. I was only starting out in my career, he hadn’t yet caught the entrepreneurial bug and our only child was of the furry four-footed variety. At the time we enjoyed movies played at wall shaking volumes, hosting get togethers, playing pool, and brewing our own beer. Ah, the good old days…

Cover
Cover (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

All we wanted was a house located half way between our places of employment with grass for the dog to run on, an open floor plan for entertaining, and a large square room in which we could optimize our surround sound. I preferred an established neighborhood setting as that is what I had grown up in, but something built within the last fifty years. My husband had a few other items on checklist, but nothing uncommon. Our wish list for our first place wasn’t too demanding. Or so we thought.

After touring dozens of homes, I was thrilled when we found a place that met all of my criteria. I wanted to make the offer on the spot. Sure, there were a few things that I would like to alter, but overall it was a great space. Only it wasn’t a great space for both of us. My husband preferred the house next door.

I was shocked. In my opinion, we would need to gut the entire second story in order to make that space work. Why go through the trouble, when my pick had better bones? His answer? He couldn’t stand the kitchen. Okay he had a point. The kitchen in my pick was pretty awkward, but slap on a new counter-top, re-finish a few cabinets, and presto! Problem solved! Oh the simplicity of living with a dual income and no kids.

I might have eventually worn him down, made him compromise his wish list, but then we learned that there was another offer on the table. We decided not to enter into a bidding war on a property that wasn’t perfect for us both. We didn’t want to be forced to pay more when one of us would be reminded that they settled each time they looked out of the window. We chose to walk away from both properties. It was our choice, but I was thoroughly disappointed and more than a little frustrated.

Several tours later, we found another property that met much of our criteria to the delight of our Realtor. The kitchen was still less than ideal, there was no clear home theater room, and the location was skewed in the hubby’s favor. We might have been exhausted from endless shopping, but decided we could make it work. At least for a few years.

Missing out on the first house was the best bad news I’ve ever gotten.

The house we chose sits surrounded by some of the best neighbors a person could wish for. Some have sons and daughters similar to my children in age and temperament.  I get to sit back as the pack runs between yards. I know that as long as I keep a watchful eye out for their offspring, my neighbors will return the favor. Others have teenagers eager to earn babysitting or yard keeping dollars. We gleefully contribute to their causes. I am, after all, a supporter of tomorrow’s entrepreneur, especially when their efforts give me more free time.

Thinking of where I am now versus where I thought I should be, I am reminded of lyrics by the Rolling Stones:

You can’t always get what you want

But if you try sometime you find

You get what you need

I was saddened when we were forced to walk away from that first house. I thought I was going to have settle for a paltry runner-up. I worried the loss would leave me unsatisfied for years to come, yearning for the one that got away. Only now, watching my children play and seeing the joy on their faces, can I look back and see that what I interpreted as bad luck at the time, was actually completely its opposite. We might not have gotten what we originally wanted, but we made the best of what came our way afterwards. As a result, we found what we truly needed.

 

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Care to solve a puzzle?

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it

On the very last day of our recent beach trip, a large thunderstorm forced us back into the house several hours earlier than we would have liked. The rental unit was equipped with enough bedrooms to accommodate everyone at night provided everyone doubled up in a room, but during the day it was a wee bit cramped, especially with four small children on the loose. We had to find something to do, and find it fast.

Luckily my mom and sister remembered the puzzle we had packed away for just this sort of emergency. It was brand new, and we quickly dumped all of the pieces on the table surface, eager to get started. The cover was then propped up where it could be seen by all.

English: Puzzle Svenska: Pussel
English: Puzzle Svenska: Pussel (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When we solve puzzles, my family tends to focus on the edges first as they are the easiest pieces to identify and match up. Once the framework has been completed, we begin tackling the interior. We each focused on a section of the puzzle. If you realized that a piece you were staring at for the last several minutes belonged in the other corner, you gave it to the person who was working on that section so that they could fit it in to its appropriate spot. None of us had every worked on this particular puzzle before, but we were focused, determined, and it was finished within the span of Disney’s Little Mermaid.

Goals are a lot like puzzles. Each goal is comprised of several smaller tasks which, if identified properly, link together until the larger goal is achieved. Prior to this trip, my most recent goal was drafting a novel. When I began writing it, I started by defining the characters and the outline. This became my puzzle framework, but also helped me to envision the puzzle’s cover image. Only then did I start filling in the individual scenes, supporting each chapter. Eventually writing got a lot easier. There weren’t that many pieces left on the table to sort through.

When you first pour the pieces of a puzzle out on the table, they seem overwhelming whether there are 1500 pieces on only 300. Once they are out of the box, you have a decision to make. You can either sweep the pile back into the box where they will sit and wait for another rainy day, or you can pick up a single piece and look for its mate. If you are lucky, friends and family might see you working hard and will pitch in. But even if they don’t, know that the puzzle isn’t going to solve itself. The choice is yours.

 

 

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Ignorance may be bliss, but experience maintains paradise

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it
The crystal water beaches that give the area i...
The crystal water beaches that give the area its name. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My eldest son will join the school aged set in only a couple of weeks and we decided to celebrate this milestone by taking a trip to the beach along with my niece and nephews. It was the first time half of our group had ever seen the ocean.

While our rental has an ocean view, it was not beach front. Even though we had reached our destination, we still had to make our way over the dunes by way of steep wooden stairs. The kids, long since driven crazy by the car trip made their way eagerly over the hill. At the top they paused faced with the expanse of water before barreling down to the water’s edge.

They stood there, not sure what to do, until they saw my son, the experienced leader of the pack, boldly run into the surf. Everyone immediately followed his example. The next several minutes were spent either braving the ocean waves or hoping that a small child didn’t drown on your watch.

Oh to be a child once again and experience the pure joy of a sparsely populated beach and a limitless sea.

The adults watched them play without a care while we worried about things such as sunscreen, proper flotation devices, and whether or not we had packed enough sand toys. Dolphins were spotted swimming fifty feet away. My son thought this was the most wonderful thing ever. I however was busy verifying that the fin we spotted did not, in fact, belong to a shark.

I sometimes wish that I was able to let go and enjoy the moment; to forget about the consequences of my actions. But while I can have fun, when my kids are involved, I have to be responsible too. It’s one of those fine print details you agree to when deciding to be a parent. Nothing spoils a milestone moment such as your first experience at the beach like second degree sunburn, especially if that burn could have been prevented.

I am happy to report that I have finished the re-write of my second novel. While at times my motivation was tested, I had a great time writing it. I knew how it was going to end from the day I completed my outline, but it took a few twists and turns along the way. Characters who were supposed to be minor took a larger role. Whole scenes materialized out of nothing. But as much as I would like to frolic in the sea of my imagination, I recognize that I need third parties to help ensure I don’t get burnt when I attempt to get this story published.

Based on the typos and plot holes my brave early readers have already identified, my story wasn’t nearly as polished as I thought it was. But it is going to be a better story, and one I will be even more proud to share in the long run thanks to their knowing assistance.

 

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