Category: Personal Favorites

My personal favorites

Applying the flywheel and avoiding the doom loop beyond business

by Allie P., posted in Personal Favorites

Several years ago, I picked up a copy of Jim Collins’ Good to Great, a business reference on why some companies thrive while other companies fail. In it, he made a number of great observations supporting the premises that the enemy of great is not bad, no “Good is the enemy of Great.” He speculates that because we preceive ourselves as being good at something, we can be lulled into acceptance of the status quo rather than incentivized to improve to the point of greatness. At least when we recognize we are downright awful at something we know to either quit altogether or seek additional help. With good, it is too easy to say, ehh.. it is good enough.

His book is really focused on the business world, but as I have embarked down the path of authorship and grown as a parent, I have found that many of his observations and tips for moving away from being just good enough to get by have applications beyond the office.

One of my favorite chapters in the entire book was on the topic of the flywheel and the doom loop. I’ve paraphrased a bit, but the two concepts can be summarized by the following steps:

Tunnels of Time
By fdecomite (Tunnels of Time) via Wikimedia Commons
The Flywheel

  1. Take a step forward consistent with your goal
  2. Verify Results
  3. Cultivate an audience of fans
  4. Build Momentum
  5. Repeat steps 1-4.

The Doom Loop

  1. Receive disappointing results
  2. React to results without understanding why the results were what they were
  3. Over-correct with new direction, new program leader, new event, etc
  4. Lose your audience & fans
  5. Repeat steps 1-4

The concept of the flywheel is simple, by taking small but determined steps according to a plan we grow a network of supporters which therefore makes repeatable success easier as it becomes nearly self-sustaining. A real life example is this: I am not a runner, but was talked into joining my husband on a 5K. I didn’t just show up for the race, I trained for weeks leading up to the event. At first it was just me putting one foot in front of the other. A successful day was merely getting home without walking most of the way. Then my family started to ask about how I was doing and suddenly I felt compelled to force myself to run just a few yards longer than I had the day before. On the day of the race, there were crowds of people shouting encouragement and offering water. I ran the entire way without stopping.

The doom loop is just as easy to understand. One of the bloggers I follow recently wrote of how she just received her first negative review. I can only imagine how devastating that must have been for her after working so hard. She easily could have gone on the defensive and lashed out at the reviewer. She might have caught herself questioning whether or not to continue to pursue her current project. In either case, the reaction could have cost the author her readers all together. Obviously creating a future of additional disappointing results. She did not do either of these things. She stayed clear of the doom loop and is most likely stronger for the experience. I wish her continued success.

I have found that writing in addition to working a day job and parenting is much like training for a race, except that this one is closer to a marathon than my little 5K. I have to pace myself to avoid injury and/or burnout. As long as I keep putting one foot (or in this case – one word) in front of another. Provided I keep watching my steps, I know that there will be someone just up ahead with a cup of cool water shouting encouragement. I will avoid the doom loop. I will finish this race.

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How to win friends and influence people

by Allie P., posted in General Tips and Tricks, Life as I know it, Life Hacks, Personal Favorites

As dictated by my recently turned two year old

where the wild things are tribute
where the wild things are tribute (Photo credit: Tojosan)

Taking command of any situation has always come naturally to me, but now that I track my age in terms of years rather than months, I’ve come to recognize that the path to success and world dominance may be more mysterious to others. I commanded one of my servants to write down my observations so that those that follow behind them may benefit from my years of experience.

Each of us are born with a set of tools, that when properly deployed, can ensure successful command of the servant set known as Mom and Dad. These tools are the piercing cry, the appearance of helplessness, and natural cuteness.

Step 1: Neutralize Potential Rivals with Speed and Extreme Prejudice

It is true that you cannot choose your family. For those of you who are placed in homes with two servants, you must exert your dominance. They may have the false belief that because they outnumber you they get to control the schedule. You must clear up this misconception immediately.

I found the easiest way to do this is through the process of divide and conquering. In my case I selected one of the two to ‘favor.’ For several months, I would allow none but the chosen one (Mom) to carry me around the house or feed me through effective use of a combination of the aforementioned piercing cry and sleep deprivation. While wearing down the resistance level of Mom, this tactic also causes the second servant (Dad) to be filled with feelings of inadequacy and/or guilt. Once conditioned, all I had to do is favor Dad with the smallest attention and he was volunteering to do my bidding.

It is important not to maintain the illusion of favor for too long of a period otherwise it will lose its effectiveness. I recommend that after no more than a year, you suddenly switch preference for no apparent reason. This will leave both servants wondering what they did to change your favor.

Secondly, do whatever you can to drastically alter the frequency and consistency of your bowel movements. This will cause the occasional discomfort, but it is worth it in the long run. Your servants will become obsessed with tracking your changes. This will become a frequent conversational topic even when you grant them a night out insuring that by granting them some alone time you do not inadvertently open the door for a younger, cuter housemate.

Step 2: Allow for the Appearance of Hope

Next, I found that many children make the mistake of walking very early on. I understand the temptation. It can be hard to properly train your servants and you may grow frustrated if they do not immediately jump to execute your commands, but do not give in. Once you begin to move about on your own, they will begin to question their continued belief in your helplessness. It is much, much better that you continue to demand that they carry you around everywhere. They will learn to love the additional time you spend together in doctors’ offices talking about you.

However you do not want them to become discouraged with your progress. It is important that you occasionally look like you are making an effort. Attempt to pull up on furniture, but fall immediately. Let them know you are healthy – as this will prevent shots, but just not ‘ready.’

Another good tactic is to point towards your hind end and say the word ‘potty’. This will cause the servants to start to dream about the day they no longer have to buy diapers. They will place you on a potty seat. Crush this dream by never, ever doing your business when and where they want. Laugh at their pleas as if you don’t understand.

As long as your servants believe there is hope for a change from the status quo, they will be less likely to rebel and or force you to do something not of your choosing.

Step 3: Dominate the Room. Any Room.

Eventually though, the temptation will grow too strong and you’ll mess up. They’ll catch you taking steps. They will start to question their belief in your helplessness. Once that occurs you will need to make them regret ever worrying about your development by getting into everything. They will think that it is now time to challenge your authority. Show them who is boss by breaking something they treasure. This will also help them to devalue material possessions. They will thank you in the long run.

Exert your personal style everywhere. Walls will be made better by your art. If those papers your older servants left out were so important they would have already been attended to. The servant called Mom doesn’t need to be distracted by magazines. Tear them up. They take attention away from you.

Step 4: Exude Irresistibility

After you conduct the required level of destruction, you will need to act quickly to stop the vein from pulsing in their forehead. Grab a stuffed animal, cock your head, and bat your eyelashes. No toys nearby? Placing leftover food in your hair also seems to work. Parrot their words while changing one or two syllables will win them back over to your side in a heartbeat. You will know you have achieved success when the camera comes out.

Step 5: Continuously Cultivate Allies

If you find yourself in a home with an older child, attempt to mimic a handful of things he or she does. He or she will then believe you want to be just like them. When the older servants attempt to challenge your authority, a well trained older sibling can be relied upon to sneak you toys and treats, and serve as a convenient scapegoat.

Finally, the greatest secret is to never, ever show any signs of disobedience in front of the servants’ parents (grandparents). This will ensure that the grandparents, who are more naturally prone to cave in and give you anything you want with minimal manipulation, will not believe your servants’ complaints about your behavior. Lacking allies, your Mom and Dad will be further forced to do your bidding.

By following these easy tips, you have a household running to your satisfaction in no time.

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Living with an Entrepreneur

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it, Personal Favorites

When I first meet people we touch on many of the same topics – you are a parent? Why so am I! How many kids do you have? What are their ages? What does your spouse do?

The answers to the questions on kids usually net the same responses “aww…, you must have your hands full… or, I remember when mine where that same age.” But the responses I receive when I tell people that my husband owns his own business can be quite varied. I can always tell when I’ve met another supportive other-half based on his or her sympathetic sigh, and I’ve found there are a lot of pre-conceived misconceptions out there on what it means to be married to an entrepreneur.

1. There are no weekends or PTO days.

This truth comes home each and every time one of our children bring home one of those fun viruses they grow in daycare. Or even worse – if he comes down with an illness himself. He risks our children’s future each time he misses, or is forced to reschedule, a meeting as his competition can easily fill up that opening on the potential customer’s calendar. This means that sick days are stay home with mommy days. Not 50% stay home with mommy and 50% stay home with daddy days. Of course this puts me at higher risk of developing daycare plague myself, and I don’t handle being sick well. Even when he is at home, he is never far from his work. One day, he will be able to turn these meetings over to someone else, but that day isn’t today.

2. Just because he is the boss, doesn’t mean he controls the schedule.

Not too long ago, one of my colleagues was considering hiring a new staffer. As we compared notes about the candidate, she mentioned that the potential new staffer’s husband was in business for himself. She thought this was a selling point for the candidate as she believed it would allow the candidate additional flexibility in working hours.

It doesn’t. See truth #1. I have to leave my day job at close of normal business hours on the dot to pick up our children as the husband could be in any number of places within the state. I am lucky to have my day job with a family friendly organization that understands how quickly the meter runs at a daycare for every minute you are late for pick-up. But there are a number of organizations out there less sympathetic and I know my boss would prefer to see me around the office longer.

An aside – we still hired the candidate, because she was a great fit, but I had to laugh at my colleague’s rationale.

3. The checks coming in are made out to his company – not to us.

Profits are spent on labor, overhead, supplies, and re-investment in the company. Yes, some of that labor number does come back to us in terms of salary, but that number is no where close to the number reported for chief operating officers in publically traded companies.

Never, ever, think outside the box
Never, ever, think outside the box (Photo credit: Mrs eNil)

When employees make careless mistakes, that comes out of company profits, and if the company isn’t profitable, then our family’s financial security is as much at risk, or even more so, than the employee’s. On a more selfish note – I don’t mind working a day job and writing on the side if its something I choose to do. I do not appreciate having the choice taken away from me over something that could have been prevented.

4. The overnight success takes at least five years of work.

Unless you live in Dr. Seuss world and sell Thneeds, growing a business from start-up (or writing a book) takes long hours, hard work, sacrifice and a measure of insanity. If you and or your significant other can’t accommodate truths 1 – 3 over the long run, you really shouldn’t try.  It will ruin your relationship along with your finances.

Expectant mothers, people with heart conditions, or those who experience motion sickness a/or seasickness should also proceed into first time entrepreneurship with caution. There are a ton of rapid up and downs. Rollercoasters pale in comparison. You may lose your lunch.

5. There is a big difference between being self employed and being an entrepreneur.

To be a successful entrepreneur means finding a team of people who can help support your vision and who can build on the company’s momentum in their own way without you. I may not receive a paycheck from my husband’s company, but I am just as vested in its success.

Entrepreneurship (or being the supportive other-half of an entrepreneur) isn’t for everyone, and there should be no shame in admitting that about yourself, preferably before you file any paperwork with your local city or bank and find out the hard way.

If our kids had already been born, we may never have started this journey together, but even now I don’t regret it. I doubt either of us could go back. When writing a book, I found the blank page at times to be overwhelming. Much like when he started his business. I was thankful to have him in my corner supporting me throughout this process, urging me on, and helping to sell my books when he can. Together we found in business and in authorship, you must first start with a letter.

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