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The promises we make to ourselves are often the hardest to keep

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it
Easter Eggs
Easter Eggs (Photo credit: .imelda)

We celebrated Easter over the weekend. My older sister came to visit with her family and we all celebrated with good food, conversation, and bags and bags of candy. I will be honest with you, I wanted to give myself a vacation from writing. What is the good of setting your own schedule if you don’t get to take some time off now and then. I rationalized that I could take a holiday off and no one would notice.

I announced this to my husband. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I felt my skin begin to crawl. I’ve been writing about execution, accountability, and leadership and here I was talking about shirking from my responsibilities just because it wasn’t convenient. I felt dirty. But the words were out there, all my husband would have to do is say something like “sounds good,” or “you’ve been working hard, a break would do you good,” and the conversation would be over.

He didn’t say either. Instead he just looked at me with a frown and said “you have to. It doesn’t have to be long, but you have to.” He kept me from making one of the worst mistakes – assuming that everyone’s lives were just like my own.

I follow several other blogs. After reading a series of good news stories on one of them, I reached out to the blog’s author. I wanted to know how she had been fortunate enough to find her publisher. She nicely wrote me back that her publisher found her after coming across her blog. Now she has a deal on a trilogy. What if the agent, publisher, bulk book buyer, kindred spirit looking for inspiration, or media mogul of my dreams was surfing the internet and found someone else all because I just didn’t feel like writing today.

English: A milk chocolate Easter Bunny.
English: A milk chocolate Easter Bunny. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Sure I might not know that I had missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime, but it still wouldn’t change the fact that I missed the opportunity to be noticed. And for what? Sixty to ninety minutes and a chocolate bunny?

I’ve read that it is a good idea to detail your posting schedule is on your ABOUT page. I’ve not embraced this idea to date because once you put something in writing, you’ve made a commitment. I don’t like to make promises I can’t keep. But perhaps it is time to do just that.

Over the last six months, I’ve kept promises made to myself. I’ve written on my writing days and spent time with my family on my off days, but perhaps it is now time to make promises to you the reader. Isn’t keeping the promises we rather avoid a major part of Easter?

If you are visiting my blog for the first time, Welcome. I blog mostly about parenthood, entrepreneurship, my inspiration, and writing, and I blog Mondays and Thursdays.

 

Writing
Writing (Photo credit: jjpacres)
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I am being buried alive! But at least the view is nice.

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it

In the back of my mind I knew this day was coming, and yet it is one thing to be mentally prepared for it, and quite another thing to experience it first hand. We awoke the other day to a world made nearly inhabitable. A blanket of near fluorescent yellow-green dust covered every surface and more powder circulated through the air made so thick you could chew it. Our eyes burned and breathing without breaking into coughing spasms became a conscious struggle. Survival would depend on how diligently we had built up our stores of medical supplies during the months prior.

Filmmakers sought to implement bleak scenery a...
Filmmakers sought to implement bleak scenery as the backdrop of post-apocalyptic America for the characters’ journey. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Am I describing some post apocalyptic hell scape? No. It is time once again for pollen season in Raleigh, North Carolina.

NCSU Arboretum
NCSU Arboretum (Photo credit: Suzie T)

Raleigh’s nickname is the City of Oaks, and it shows. One of the things that separates it from other cities such as Charlotte is the amount of greenery preserved within the city limits. It’s a lovely city in the autumn as the leaves begin to change, and a beauty in late March when the flowers begin to bloom. Most of the year there are few places I would rather be. But then there is April (and sometimes May).

 

In 2008, Mark Wahlberg starred in M. Night Shyamalan’s movie, The Happening in which people begin to mysteriously engage in highly self-destructive behaviour. Spoiler alert – the behavior is caused by an air-borne pathogen much like pollen. The movie wasn’t exactly a critical darling, with many people laughing at its premise. But those who have experienced pollen season in Raleigh have to wonder if the trees are in fact out to get us. Just look at pollen under a microscope! Ouch!

Pollen from a variety of common plants: sunflo...
Pollen from a variety of common plants: sunflower (Helianthus annuus), morning glory Ipomoea purpurea, hollyhock (Sildalcea malviflora), lily (Lilium auratum), primrose (Oenothera fruticosa) and castor bean (Ricinus communis). The image is magnified some x500, so the bean shaped grain in the bottom left corner is about 50 μm long. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Thankfully rain helps to wash it away, but in between storms this dust gets everywhere and easily transfers onto EVERYTHING. Don’t try sitting down outside during pollen season unless you want your rear end to be highlighted in green upon standing. You can try to sweep it up and all you wind up doing is launching it back into the air where it either settles back on another surface or in your lungs and eyes. My vaccum is no match for it. Pollen is like nature’s take on glitter. I’ve only encountered one substance that is harder to get rid of after you touch it, and that is dust from the moon. At least the moon dust leaves smears you can brag about.

Normally I would try to tie this back to one of my usual topics: parenthood, entrepreneurship, or writing. I could say something inspirational like how a single granular of pollen may be tiny on its own but together can lay siege to an entire city, I could write about the importance of planning ahead for business or writing. I could laugh about how my kids’ pollen colored hand and foot prints make my job as a parent easier because I can better track what they’ve gotten into. I’d scour the internet for related articles. I could expand on any of those topics, but I am finding it difficult to concentrate.

Kermit the frog had it right when he said “It’s not easy being green”.

 

Kermit the Frog
Cover of Kermit the Frog
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Be accountable. Be a champion.

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it
Demotivator : Fired
Demotivator : Fired (Photo credit: muffytyrone)

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I’ve recently had to become re-acquainted with housekeeping. Luckily, my eldest son is at a magical age. He is just old enough to be trusted with chores, and just young enough to feel a sense of reward based on mom and dad’s praise alone rather than requiring the monetary variety.

One night, not too long ago, he offered to wipe down all our kitchen surfaces. We have a glass table and it shows ever smear and ketchup stained fingerprint, so we eagerly took him up on his offer while we put away other things. Except we neglected to remove the entire dinner setting from the table before he got started.

Smash.

Pity
Pity (Photo credit: Arthurvd)

Both my husband and I looked up from our respective areas in the connecting rooms to see that our son had learned a lesson in gravity. One of our glassware had magically transformed the floor into a barefoot nightmare. Our son must have become too enthusiastic with his wiping and swiped it right off the table top.

He looked at the glass. He looked at us. He looked back at the glass.

I expected waterworks. I expected him to blame his toddler brother for distracting him. I expected him to blame his father for leaving the glass on the table. I expected him to blame me for not magically being there to catch the glass before it fell.

I did not expect him to calmly say. “I am sorry mommy. I broke the glass. Are you disappointed in me?”

I shook my head and told him “No. Accidents happen, but I need you to go to another room while we clean this up.”

He said okay, but then he surprised me again. He wasn’t able to finish his chore in the kitchen, but instead of running off to play, he walked around picking up his toys so that it would be easier for me to vacuum.

Am I bragging a little here about my wonderful, mature, preschooler? You’d better believe it, but this story illustrates a under-recognized virtue – accountability.

Accountability is so under-recognized that it does not fall on any of the various lists of virtues. It is true. I looked it up.

Honesty is on the virtue list. I could have prompted my son with a question, “Did you break the glass?” knowing full well he did. Had he answered affirmatively, he would have been truthful, but that wouldn’t be a boast-worthy story.

No, I bring this story up because he not only showed honesty, but also respect, courage, and responsibility by the simple act of admitting to his mistake on his own and finding a way to make amends without burdening the offended party with unnecessary investigation or pursuit of restitution. In other words he made it right without getting Law & Order: MOM involved.

Accountability is another one of those virtues that appears to be harder to retain as we age. Perhaps it is because accountability requires that you provide a report to someone, and public speaking can be scary.

Perhaps it is because no one wants to get stuck in the infinite loop found within the problem solving flow chart.

problem_solving_flow_chart
problem_solving_flow_chart (Photo credit: slark)

Jokes aside, it is all fun and games until someone gets hurt. If you follow scandals in general, the damage caused by the reveal of the cover-up is worse than the damage from the original transgression (excluding violent crimes), and yet people keep forgetting that lesson. They choose not to admit to the crime up front, and hope that no one will ever notice. These people place a higher value on other things than personal accountability.

Personal accountability is simple on paper. You accepted a task. You are responsible for ensuring it is completed as agreed. There will always be factors that are out of your control. It is your responsibility to minimize the risk of those factors. If you still fail to complete the task, it is your responsibility to notify others promptly and make amends.

Unfortunately personal accountability is also tough. Unless we are gifted with great genes, looking in the mirror isn’t always pleasant, especially when reporting bad news. We can’t all be Dorian Grey. Many of us would prefer to imagine ourselves looking the way we did during some prior event. Dressed to the nines, weight – eh good enough, and skin stunningly perfect. Rather than a mirror, we prefer to look at a doctored photograph.

So if accountability becomes rarer, the laws of supply and demand would suggest that it should grow more valuable over time. Therefore people should value personal accountability over other lesser things. Right?

Accidents happen. Admit them to yourself and to others. Make them right. And move on. In the words of Freddie Mercury:

I’ve paid my dues
Time after time.
I’ve done my sentence
But committed no crime.
And bad mistakes ‒
I’ve made a few.
I’ve had my share of sand kicked in my face
But I’ve come through.

…’Cause we are the champions.

We can only be the champions of change if we own up to what’s gone wrong.

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You have to dance like nobody’s watching

by Allie P., posted in Life as I know it, Personal Favorites
Dance like nobody's watching
Dance like nobody’s watching (Photo credit: fmgbain)

Have you had the pleasure of watching the Lego Movie, or heard the What Does The Fox Say song yet? No? Well if you ever found yourself near my house on a Friday night you would hear song, Everything is Awesome and the aforementioned song blasting on our speakers over and over again as my boys engaged in what has become our “beginning of the weekend dance party!”

Dance Floor
Dance Floor (Photo credit: enric archivell)

My eldest son’s dancing consists of jumping, running in a circle, spinning on the floor, and imitating a robot. My youngest is still mastering walking and mostly performs a series of squats and sways while pointing his fingers in the air. I am not even going to attempt to describe the series of movements my husband and I consider our own dancing style, but needless to say we likely won’t be contestants on dancing with the stars anytime soon.

We may be somewhat rhythmically impaired, but it doesn’t stop us from letting loose every weekend. I am going to miss these moments when my boys age into the tween years and are too embarrassed to be seen walking with either my husband or I, let alone be seen dancing with us. The party is going to be over way too soon.

 

Susanna Clark and Robert Leigh penned the following lyrics for their song, “Come from the Heart”

You’ve got to sing like you don’t need the money,
You’ve got to love like you’ll never get hurt,
You’ve got to dance like there’s nobody watching,
You’ve got to come from the heart if you want it to work.

These words are proven true over and over again.

Nicolas Cage was recently interviewed about his Oscar-winning performance for Leaving Las Vegas. He said, and I paraphrase, that he was so sure that the film would never been seen that he didn’t worry about what the critics or academy would say, he just committed himself to the role. By not worrying about being watched, he was freed to do something remarkable.

I struggled severely with my first several attempts at writing, not for lack of imagination, but because I was too concerned about forcing my words be best-seller caliber, or at least be quote-worthy. Then I saw a rebroadcasted interview with the late Elmore Leonard, author of dozens of novels.  He repeated his longstanding advice, “If it sounds like writing. Rewrite it.” I realized I just had to start typing, and stop worrying about who was reading. As long as I gave it my all, it would work out in the end like it was supposed to.

If you are reading this, then the process worked, and if you aren’t, well… I’ll still be dancing on Friday.

 

Rhythm, a sequence in time repeated, featured ...
Rhythm, a sequence in time repeated, featured in dance: an early moving picture demonstrates the waltz. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

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Separating Business from Hobby

by Allie P., posted in General Tips and Tricks, Life Hacks
Hirst's Shark Tank by the Little Artists
Hirst’s Shark Tank by the Little Artists (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What separates a business from a hobby? My husband and I watch a fair bit of the show, Shark Tank, and often one of the investors will explain the difference to wannabe entrepreneurs. It is one thing to have an idea, and I am in no way diminishing the importance of that crucial element, but there is more to building a business than just having something to sell.

In order to transform a hobby into a business yes, you need a product or service. But you also need a path to market, a sales strategy, a plan for what to do with revenue once it is received, a plan for what to do when the money doesn’t flow as it should, and a plan for what to do when faced with an outright threat. There is so much to do that having the actual innovative spark is almost more window dressing than requirement. That is a minimum of five parts plan to one part innovation!

While at my day job, I usually deal with established companies releasing their next big product offering, but occasionally I get the opportunity to meet with the independent idea person. Typically these are people fresh from one of the nearby university technology incubators. These people a fun to meet with because they are so incredibly passionate about their product, but really have no idea how much they don’t know about the challenges of bringing an invention out of their garage.

It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time
It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

One of the biggest mistakes they make in their plan is forgetting that though they might have a great rapport with the person at the other side of the table, at the end of the day, “its nothing personal, just business.” I have to watch as they are forced to question their own faith in their product and their existing partners. For example, patents are only as good as they are enforceable and established companies usually have much deeper pockets along with capable supply chains and effective sales channels.

The reaction varies. Sometimes the innovator’s ego doesn’t allow him or her to accept these questions. They get angry and defensive. Of course their product will sell itself and they will become overnight millionaires. They are such geniuses that no one could possibly find a way to build it cheaper, quicker, or in a way that gets around their patent. The public will never accept a lower quality solution at a cheaper price – they will demand the real thing. All of their suppliers will deliver and all their customers will pay on time just because they have put some words together on a piece of paper and called it a contract.

Some throw their hands up in despair. They give up on their dream the moment they are asked to answer tough questions. Others listen with open minds. They are humble enough to realize that they don’t know all the answers and that their product may not be ready for the mass market. Perhaps it is not in their best interest today to accept that large purchase order with all its many zeros. These are the people who will buckle down and return to pitch their idea another day. They leave even more committed, but with their eyes wide open.

English: Figure 10: SWOT-Analysis of the organ...
English: Figure 10: SWOT-Analysis of the organic business idea. Belongs to The Organic Business Guide. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As much as my novels are the children of my imagination, I have to treat my writing as a business, and books as its product. While so far I have found there to be quite a bit of cross over, I recognize that I am new to this industry. I recognize that I can’t rely entirely on instinct alone. What I believe is my best strategy may well be wrong.

In fact as I near the final weeks of writing the first draft, there are a number of things that I intend to do differently this second time around. I enjoyed the speed to market that self publishing offered, but I do think that this time I am going to at least query a few other channels. Yes, I will likely get rejected, as that seems to be a recurring pattern in the industry, but I’ll never know for sure that I picked the course best suited for my own business needs and personal style if I don’t at least ask for other opinions from time to time.

 

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