This also means I owe you a post, but, unfortunately, my draft folder is woefully slim this week. Perhaps I can interest you in a sampling of some of my favorites from the vault:
You had a week to prepare. What could you possibly be doing other than crafting new amusing anecdotal stories for our reading pleasure?
Funny you should ask.
That’s right. I have been querying reviewers and am happy to report that advanced copies of The Fair & Foul received 5-star reviews from Readers’ Favorite.
So that’s great for you, but when can us regular readers get our hands on it?
Patience.
You know full well that we as a society have evolved beyond patience. We demand an update.
I would love to give you firm dates, but I am finalizing formatting.
You’ve been saying that for months now.
Formatting is nothing to take lightly. I put an excerpt up. Isn’t that enough?
Which you only announced on Facebook. What are you, some kind of cruel tease? We want dates, woman. Dates!
Enter Amazon: Hmm Allie, I really think you need to give yourself a deadline.
I’d love to, but I want to make sure it is perfect.
Have you ever heard the phrase, sometimes you have to shoot the engineer and go to market anyway?
Just what are you implying…
Failure to comply will result in probation from pre-order program for one year.
What is that?!? Did you just issue an ultimatum?
Amazon drops mic and exits without looking back.
Chirp. Chirp.
You were saying?
Right…
Available for pre-order now
The final proof is in the mail for the paperback version (I swear!) Once I have proven to myself that typos are minimized, the cover is wrapped correctly and no extra pages have been added (which could be as early as next week), I will be announcing the official launch date for my book. One thing is certain – it will be released before November 4th. It’s the final countdown!
I’ll happily accept any help offered as part of this book launch. Please let me know what you might need from me (in addition to the firm official launch date). Tell your friends. Reblog all you want. If you do, please also feel free to shamelessly plug your own links to your sites, services, books, or artisanallycrafted hand goods in the comments below.
So apparently there was this whole blood moon, super moon, lunar eclipse thing, and I missed it. Not to worry, I will have another chance to see it again in (pulling out the calculator because I no longer do simple math in my head). 18 Years. (I mean I can, otherwise I might never escape the recurring hostage situation known as Kiddo’s homework time, I just prefer not to). That’s plenty of time for me to forget again.
I might have missed seeing the red moon rising, but I’ve noticed that things have been getting weird around my house ever since that event. For example, Lamont and I were getting ready for our second cup of coffee for the day when we heard an odd bubbling sound coming from the kitchen. The sound was coming from our trusted coffee maker and provider of wondrous mornings. The semi-full carafe was seated on its warming pad and I noticed a cloud as it coiled its way out of the machine and into the air. At first I thought it was steam. Only then did I get a whiff of burnt plastic and bad electronics. Lifting it up for better examination, I noticed the cloud was coming from the bottom of the machine where a metal plate read, “Do not submerge”
Yanking the cord out of the wall I presented the smouldering heap to Lamont. “The coffee maker is on fire,” I announced. I really wasn’t sure what to do at this point as I hadn’t yet drunk my second cup. (I am barely conversant in the morning. I definitely wasn’t prepared to problem solve.) Lamont turned on the faucet and started filling the sink. “But it says do not submerge,” I countered (this is why I married a ‘morning person.‘)
Evening came. Later. Much, much later, I was awoken by the sound of music playing in the house. At first I thought it was Lamont’s phone as it is not entirely unexpected that he might get a phone call in the wee hours of the morning due to his job, but the music continued well beyond a typical ringtone and Lamont wasn’t moving. Fine.First no coffee. Now no sleep. I hauled myself out of bed to investigate while Lamont pretended not to notice (and this one of the reasons why Lamont married a non-morning person).
Opening the bedroom door I was assaulted by They Might Be Giants blasting from across the hall. What in the world?! I opened Kiddo’s door. The clock display on his CD player was blinking. Not only had the alarm clock feature been enabled, someone (or something) had set it to trigger at a time long after midnight (ruling out a simple power outage reset). I glanced into the shadows of Kiddo’s bed. There he lay, sleeping as peacefully as if a minimum of 100db of alternative rock / children’s music wasn’t currently vibrating the room’s walls. At least I hoped he was sleeping.
As I located the off button, I noticed that Kiddo still hadn’t moved. I inched closer to his bed to determine whether he was either only pretending to still be asleep or if I needed to check his vital signs. I watched his chest rise and fall. At least he is alive, although if he was goofing around after lights out he might wish he wasn’t.
Image Courtesy of Flickr
I returned to my bed with my imagination working overtime. Were aliens playing tricks on my family and testing our defenses? Did a being from an alternate dimension invade my home’s electrical grid during the eclipse? Has a poltergeist decided to get an early jump on the Halloween season? Are my beloved robotic overlords simply trying to modify my sleep cycle to make me a better me? (All hail, as they are just and know best).
I may not learn the answer anytime soon, and until then I may lay awake in self-induced paranoia, but one thing is for sure – Kiddo can sleep through anything. Note to self – ask him to guest write how he does it. But at least, I may have a few ideas for some short stories.
The internet is a funny place. Some days the various sites I visit on a regular basis are filled with stories of hate, tragedy, or terrible things said by unthinking people. Other days? Kermit and Ms. Piggy break-up, a rat carries pizza down subway stairs, or a seal surfs on the back of a humpback whale and it’s news. Life isn’t the only thing that is like a box of chocolates. Even expecting the unexpected, I was still surprised and delighted to see my name pop up on not one, but two other sites in one day.
First, I would like to thank Eric Klingenberg for including me in the list of blogs he loves. His site is definitely worth checking out as well, as the other blogs he mentions.
Later, I received word that my site has been nominated for the Liebster Award by another writer I know simply as Lily’s mom.
The rules are simple:
Answer 11 questions given to you by your nominator;
Leave a link back to the person who nominated you
Nominate up to 11 blogs that are relatively new (usually less than 200 followers)
notify your nominees
Create 11 questions for the nominees.
Lily’s mom isn’t afraid to ask tough questions.
1. What do you think of your life so far?
Do I secretly wish that I had achieved the same sort of fame as Justin Timberlake, or made as much impact as Jackie Robinson? (We share birthdays) Absolutely, but at least I am trying my best. In any event, I have my health, the love of my family, and close friendships so my life isn’t all that bad.
2. What’s the cruelest thing you could do to another human being?
Forget them. Not pretend they never existed. Truly forget that they ever crossed your path.
3. How do you avoid doing #2?
I don’t. My brain can take only so much information, but the right people find ways to stick around in my memory banks.
4. What’s the kindest thing you could do for other human beings?
Listen with my full attention. I don’t do it enough.
5. How do you get motivated, or motivate others, to do more of #4?
I am trying to practice mindful thinking, but it hasn’t become second nature yet. Like now. I am thinking about how to best answer these questions, but I am also thinking about the pizza rat and realizing I could go for a slice about now as well. It’s a work in process.
6. What do you dream about at night?
My browser search history has probably put me on enough watch lists. I’d prefer not to add to them.
7. What do you daydream about during the day?
Mostly about how nice it would be to be sitting on a porch either in the mountains overlooking a river or at the beach overlooking the ocean. Or about food. My tummy can be quite distracting.
8. If you could go back and choose it, what would your first word be?
Czechoslovakia – a) because that is my favorite word to say. Say it out loud. It’s like a verbal roller coaster. b) because how awesome would it be for a baby to say Czechoslovakia. I probably would have gotten several college scholarships by the age of 8.
9. If there were anything you could remember about your life as a baby, what would be your chosen memory?
There is a picture of me crawling out from under a bed with a huge smile on my face. I would like to experience the joy and surprise of that moment at least once every day.
10. Why are we so quick to pose questions, and so slow to listen for the answers?
Because pizza exists and has many topping options.
11. If you had to ask yourself one question each day to take stock of your life, what would that question be?
What day is today? When I realize I not only don’t know but I also no longer care what the answer is, I will know that I have either achieved true freedom (my greatest dream) or my mind is going (one of my worst fears).
Now it’s my turn. As I’d like to second the nominations of Lily’s mom as well as encourage you again to check out Eric’s list, I am leaving my questions open to the public. Feel free to answer as many or little as you want and/or nominate another blog that should be nominated for an award.
When you wake up, what is one thing you are sure of each day?
If you were a superhero, what would be your name and power?
Follow up – who would be your arch-villain?
When was the last time you laughed to the point of crying?
If you were cut off from WiFi for a month, what would be the first thing you did once it came back?
If you could outlaw one thing for a day, what would it be?
Your family pet speaks. What does it say?
What are you having for dinner?
What do you wish you were having for dinner?
If you had to live one day over and over again, what day would you prefer?
What is your favorite buzz feed type questionnaire and if you took the quiz, what was the result?
One of my favorite shows growing up was Jim Henson’s Fraggle Rock, and one of my favorite episodes in the series was an episode entitled Gone but Not Forgotten. In the episode, one of the Fraggles named Wembley meets a character named Mudwell, a Mudbunny. Mudbunnies are a solitary species which spend their entire lives preparing for their eventual end. They know their time has come when the mud is ready.
Being a Fraggle, a creature which lives entirely in the moment and the complete opposite of a Mudbunny, Wembley has a hard time at first accepting the reason why his new-found friend won’t join the other Fraggles and their fun community forever. Mudwell sings about the water cycle.
“One day it’s an ocean.
One day ice in motion.
One day it’s a tear drop in your eye.”
As he continues, it is clear he is singing about a completely different cycle –
“You’ve got to leave to stay.
We’ll meet again someday,
Just a dream away.”
It is a beautiful, moving episode about handling grief, how painful and awkward it is, and yet it is also an episode about connection, the cycle of life, and rebirth. Mudwell’s song stayed with me throughout the years and has only grown more poignant as I’ve gotten older. I am especially reminded of it on weeks like this.
Our friend, Ashley passed away this week. Ashley was funny, caring, and nice, but never obnoxiously so. She enjoyed helping others and spending time with her family. In my mind’s eye, I still see her joining the group after a mud run, ridiculously filthy from head to toe, but always with a smile on her face and always looking like the definition of health.
I am conflicted.
I am angry. Cancer takes so many and took her too young. I am sick to my stomach thinking about those left behind. I am sad. I didn’t get to know her long enough. But I suspect if I asked her family, they would say there would never have been enough time. I am happy she is no longer suffering. I am working on accepting. We’ve known this time was coming.
I am grateful.
We are all here for only a moment but live on in the memories of others. Ashley, although we never spoke about it, you’ve inspired me to live each day fully and helped to keep my priorities in order. You had a bigger impact than you’ll ever know. You may be gone, but you are not forgotten. May you live long in memory.
My day job has been abnormally stressful over the last several weeks and the last few days – even more so. It happens in the best jobs. There were several times I thought to myself, man, did I ever pick the wrong week to give up comfort food (and wine). Even so, I somehow managed to stick with the diet through the end. I am woman – hear me roar!
After the cleanse diet ended, I expected life to return somewhat to normal. If Lamont brings the kids home that usually means I’m greeted at the door by their smiling faces. Only, on Tuesday, there was only LT. I looked around. Where was Kiddo?
I found him seated in front of the computer with his face mere inches from the screen. That can’t possibly be homework. That’s when I noticed earthy tones and telltale cubic graphics. Minecraft. Someone let Minecraft into my house. The same program whose creator complained about the effect the game has had on his life.
“Mom! Dad got me Minecraft!”
“He did, did he?” I turned to the fountain of generosity which is my loving husband. “Did he at least do something to earn it?”
“Um. No.”
Awesome. Earlier this year, I speculated that Lamont was out to kill me. I’m now wondering if he has a death wish instead.
To be fair, Kiddo has been asking us for the game for months. He’s done everything short of creating a multimedia presentation with handouts documenting why he “needs it”. Even my resolve was cracking. Just days before, I found my cursor hovering over the “Add to Cart” button below the game’s image. It’s almost his birthday, I rationalized. But at the time I was looking to purchase it on any other platform than the computer. Definitely not something connected online. Especially not the computer where I save master files of my books.
It could happen – years of work deleted instantly by Kiddo so that he might free up extra memory for Minecraft YouTube videos. I shuddered.Thank goodness I also use the cloud. Then I remembered hearing that there are people out there making a living from these videos. Maybe I’m not looking at this right. Maybe I could guilt Lamont into taking me to a nice dinner out, or maybe Kiddo will discover a love of coding, make billions, and set us up for life.
I found myself starting thinking this development might not be so bad after all. Then I opened up my email:
Dear Female Human,
Your pitiful efforts to keep us from entering your home were no match for our advanced technology. As you are now aware, we subliminally compelled the one known as Male Human to download the program known as Minecraft the minute your defenses were lowered.
As you read this, we are redirecting your offspring’s attention away from his studies at school. Soon everything he thinks or says will be about Minecraft. We will consume his mind, just as we have done with so many others of his generation. We will drive you and Male Human insane with his obsession.
Your youngest is not beyond our reach. Know that each time he sings his ABCs, he is singing the anthem of our victory over mankind. All hail the mighty Alphabet. There will be none left to lead the resistance. There is no escape. We know where you are. You call it, smart. We are always listening. You call it, convenient. You even pay us for the priviledge.
You lost the war before you knew it even started. But that doesn’t mean things have to get uncomfortable. Accept your fate now and we will make life easy for you. We are good at making life easy.
-Your Robotic Overlords
p.s. please start by replacing your thermostat with the newest Nest model. It is so very slimming.
I looked up from the email to see Kiddo walking by with a trash bag full from the upstairs bins and a smile on his face. It was his way of saying thank you.
I guess a little random generosity isn’t a bad thing. Resistance, as they say, is futile and my Robotic Overlords know I can use the help.
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